Covert-Completed(book 1 Dr Jenny Stevens Series)

Chapter 20

"You know I love you, right," I muttered somewhat happily. My stomach was sated and I was feeling better already. It made all the difference just knowing there was someone who cared. It didn't really matter that as a priest, Cody would have cared the same for anyone.

I resolutely turned away from that depressing thought and focused back on the bath he'd given me. With food in my stomach, I could afford to linger over those moments. But try as I might, the clinical percisions of his movements remained naught but clinical.

I hated how he could influence even my day dreams with nary an effort. It was my head and if I wanted to have lascivious thoughts about him I should not only be entitled but permitted as well. I glanced up at Cody's mild smirk. Did he know of my inner struggles?

"I love you too," Cody muttered out peaceably. I felt riled all of a sudden. I felt like saying' No you don't!'  For he didn't... not really ... and worse still, he couldn't. Not without some form of blasphemy.

"So what went on while I was away?" I asked needing to change the topic. I was back now in home ground. Being dead to the world for the last few hours then revived long enough to consume a delicious meal, did a lot for reestablishing an equilibrium...of sorts. While, I still didn't have a sense of purpose beyond annihilating the existence of my own brother off the face of this Earth, I was still comforted by the more simple things in life... like just news in general.

Cody proceeded to regale me with Church politics and as always I listened with half an ear. I hated politics in general. The Church's politics fared no better. The amount of reports they churn out then obliterate is remarkable. I hated reports. Reports of any kind. Reports were to me a bureaucractic red tape. One that served one purpose and that was to label and shift blames.

I was exceedingly disappointed with the church. I have listened to Cody's out pour of his vexation and determination on more occasions than one. Cody was genuine in his efforts to serve and like all those who are genuine in following their heart, and chasing their dreams, there is only a blow to the heart at the other end of the rainbow. My own heart was still reeling from the figurative stake that had been pierced through it. Dreams are only followed through by dissapointment.

I listened on and offered soothing murmurs of support as I did. In a way I admired his tenacity of taking on an institution as aged as time. Cody was revolutionary and forward thinking. What he deigned reasonable progess the Church cried blasphemy. But then the Church cried blasphemy over just about everything. They were archival, as primitive as the scriptures they preached. Time had moved on but not the Church. But that was the same in most religions of the world. They were once pillars of support for the community. The source of guidance and hope. But now their mere restraints bent on locking society in a past that was never good to begin with. It was a case of poor upper management. The same downfall to any enterprise. If the strategic visions were flawed, so too were the entity that strives for it.

"The Covert Ops were looking for you," said Cody jolting me back to the present with a bolt.

"They were?" I asked vaguely wondering just what he told them...and just what they knew.

"I told them that you were away having to take care of some personal emergencies. They want you on board," he said matter of factly.

"They do?" I asked surprised. I'd figure I had to complete boot camp first before anything was decided. And where before the idea of boot camp shook me in fear, I now looked forward to it with relish. I needed to toughen up and there was no one better to train me up then theCovert Ops.

"That's the impression I got. Call them and find out," Cody suggested mildly. I sensed a hidden disapproval in his undertone but Cody would never voice it out openly. He was always adamant that our choices are our own to make. That god gifted us with our soul and a physical self to embody it. The brain is what controls and drive us forward but what matters most is the elements we don't see, the elements that either shapes or ruins our destiny. The unseen but monumental element of choice. Its these choices that determines our future, thats makes us different from one another, that makes us who we are. We always underestimate the power of the obvious. The power of choice. So freely we hand it over to virtual strangers, we give it it away, we barter it, we refuse to acknowledge it. We refuse to accept it. Simply cause acceptance brings with it a great responsibility...a responsibility over our own future. With total acceptance there could be no blame. And with no blame there would be no conflict... no war.

"I'll call them," I said, using my choice and making my decision. I rose immediately and went unsteadily to get my phone. I put in a call to Josh and said without hesitation, "I am back."