Dragons & Panthers (T'Challa Udaku)

Chapter Twelve

Warning: this chapter contains mention of depression and self-harm
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"Who was that at the door? If you don't mind me asking," T'Challa says as they sit in the Chinese restaurant near Jelani's house.
"Erik. He's one of my men."
"He was the one at the place I had drinks with you right?"
"Yes."
T'Challa nods.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Well, I shouldn't say nothing is wrong. I mean he seemed pretty hostile when he asked who I was."
"Erik is hostile towards anyone if we are being honest. He was hostile towards me when he first met me."
"But he clearly warmed up to you."
"Yes, he did."
T'Challa nods before eating a piece of chicken. Jelani steals a piece making him give her an unimpressed look before she smiles, making him smile back. He leans over and kisses her, making her smile.
"When I finally make you my wife, I will be the most blessed man in the world."
Jelani smiles as T'Challa grins.
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"She was with another man."
"Who was?" Dr. Jones, Erik's therapist, asks.
"Jelani. She was with another man and not just any man, the King of Wakanda."
"Oh. I thought that country was after her father."
"They were but he's dead now and now she's fucking him."
"How do you know that?"
"He just had a towel wrapped around his waist and she was only in a robe. I also know what a couple who was just fucking looks like."
Dr. Jones nods as he writes something down. Erik fiddles with his father's ring.
"How does that make you feel?"
"Upset. I want her. I really like her. I feel like she gets me and she cares about me. We had sex before and it was good. Really good. I thought that was my door in."
"Have you've told her about how you feel?"
"No. She's my boss. And she doesn't like mixing work and pleasure. I'm work."
"You never know until you ask Erik. She may not have a serious relationship with this man but you are jumping to conclusions. You are assuming and this doesn't seem like a situation where you should assume."
Erik looks out the window as his phone dings. He looks at it. It's Jelani.
I have a Job for you. Come to the warehouse.
"Is that her?"
"Yeah. She has a job for me. I have to go."
"Well, we were reaching our time anyway. Next week same time?"
"Assuming we are done by then: yes. I'll call."
Dr. Jones nods as Erik leaves, telling Jelani he is on his way. He walks downstairs and bumps into someone. It's T'Challa.
"Oh. Erik right?"
"Yeah. What's it to you?"
"I was just talking about you with Jelani."
"Why you talking about me?" He asks, eyes narrowing.
"It was nothing bad. I just asked who you were since you showed up at the door that night."
Erik has to fight the anger boiling in him. He turns away and begins to walk off.
"Do you need a ride? I have to drop something off for Jelani and you're going the same way."
"I'm going to the warehouse."
"I know. That's where I'm headed. Would you like a ride?"
Erik swallows but nods as he gets into the black SUV with T'Challa. He buckles up as T'Challa pulls off.
"So how long have you've been working with Jelani."
"Five years."
T'Challa nods.
"Do you like it?"
"Man why are you asking me these questions?"
"I'm just making small talk," T'Challa says.
"Well, I don't want to make no fucking small talk."
T'Challa looks at him.
"She wasn't kidding when she said you are hostile to everyone."
Erik growls and he has to fight the urge to strangle the man. He looks out the window as the scene becomes more commercial and they finally arrive at the warehouse. He's out in an instant, headed inside. Jelani is on the platform outside her office and she raises an eyebrow. She senses the anger radiating from Erik as does the others in the warehouse. They avoid him as he stomps up the stairs.
"Boss."
He enters the office and sits with Paul, Marco, and Linda. He glares at Linda who tries to touch him. Jelani raises an eyebrow until she feels a hand touch her waist. She smiles at T'Challa who kisses her knuckles.
"M'Lady."
"Hello, King T'Challa."
"Here. I brought you something before I return home. I am hoping you will join me one day."
"We will see."
He kisses her knuckles again before kissing her cheek.
"Call me when you can. I will want to hear from you."
She smiles as he walks back down the stairs. He leaves and her men whistle.
"Get it boss!"
"Oh hush!" She says as she enters her office, closing the door. Erik is in the corner, staring out the window.
"We have a job with a client in Italy."
"So we will be seeing the Italian family?" Paul asks with a smile.
"Yes. They have begun making the shipment but we will go to aid and make sure the job goes smoothly. Apparently, last time they did work with this client the police almost busted them. Linda, we will need your computer skills for this job."
She nods.
"Paul, for dealing with the money. Marcus and Erik for strength and expertise in weapons. Sounds good?"
"Sounds good to me," Paul says as he stands. "When do we leave?"
"Tomorrow at 7. Be here."
"Yes Ma'am. Come on Marcus."
Marcus nods to Jelani and Linda before following after Paul who waves. Linda nods to Jelani and leaves. Erik stands and Jelani does as well. She closes the door and looks at Erik.
"Erik. What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong Boss."
"You're lying to me. Erik what's wrong?"
Erik looks at her before shaking his head.
"It's nothing. Nothing. I need to go...I need to go."
Jelani frowns but moves, letting Erik leave. She watches as he goes. Something is wrong and she will find out.
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Warning: Self-Harm Reference begins
Erik hugs his pillow, face in the soft material as he tries not to think of Jelani and T'Challa. He wanted to be the one to kiss her and give her gifts. That's what he wanted. He swallows as he begins to cry, rolling over he covers his face with the pillow, shaking as he cries. He's so dumb. So fucking dumb! Why would Jelani want him? He's a fucking mess. He has anger issues, depression, and PTSD from being in the army. He ain't no king. He can't give her anything that she already has or T'Challa will probably give her. He sits up, staggering to the bathroom where he opens the cabinet where he keeps the razor.
He sits on the floor, back pressed against the wall. He hisses softly as he makes the first cut over a previous cutting mark. Bright red blood oozes out and he watches as a teardrop hits it. He continues to cut as he releases the pent-up emotions. He makes his last cut before dropping the razor on the floor. Sobs fill the bathroom as he shakes before curling up into a ball.
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Jelani sees the bandages on Erik's arm and raises an eyebrow. He quickly pulls his sleeve down, shifting his body away from her. They are on hour four of the flight and Linda, Paul, and Marcus are sleeping. Erik had gotten up for the bathroom and Jelani was making tea when she saw his arm. He sits back in his spot away from the others and she follows, sitting next to him.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"That's not nothing Erik. You didn't have a bandage yesterday."
He's quiet and she gently takes his arm, pushing the sleeve up as she carefully undoes the bandages. Erik doesn't look as she finally reveals his arm and she gasps. She sees the fresh cuts which are beginning to create a scab.
"Erik...what..."
"Boss, please...Please don't..."
"Look at me."
Erik doesn't move.
"Erik look at me now."
He obeys and looks into concerned black eyes.
"Did you do this?"
He nods, scared of her reaction. He finds himself pulled into a warm hug. He hugs her.
"Is therapy not working?"
"It is," he whispers. "I just relapsed...I had a bad day...I'm sorry boss."
Erik hates disappointing Jelani. The whole reason he is in therapy is because of her. She kisses his forehead as he closes his eyes, crying quietly.
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Didn't want to bother you..."
"You are never a bother Erik."
"Felt like it on Saturday."
Jelani pauses for a moment before remembering what happened on Saturday.
"I'm not mad about you stopping by."
Erik is quiet, playing with her bracelet as he lays in her arms.
"What's been bothering you, Erik? Paul said that you have been off lately."
Erik looks up at her before looking down.
"No...No...I can't tell you Boss."
"It won't change how I see you."
"I know but...I can't."
"Please Erik?"
He swallows. Damn it: why did he have to have a caring boss?!
"I've been feeling lonely for a while," he says softly. "When I...we...had sex I didn't feel alone anymore. For once the voices stopped and I felt so happy.  I wanted to shoot my shot but I didn't cause I know you don't like mixing work and pleasure. And then when T'Challa answered the door...I guess... I couldn't stop ignoring the voices anymore."
He begins to sob and she rubs his back.
"I like you Jelani. I really do but I know," he takes a deep breath wiping a tear. "I know I'm no good. I have depression. Anger Issues. PTSD. I'm a mess and T'Challa isn't. So I shouldn't be surprised you picked him. I mean he's a king and I'm just the son of a Prince that was probably forgotten by Wakanda."
"Erik..."
"It' fine Boss. I'll get over it. I'll be fine and I won't cut myself again. Promise."
He sits up, wiping his tears as he turns away.
"I should get some sleep."
"Do you want me to stay with you?"
Erik looks around and he should say no but he nods "yes". He lays down, Jelani laying with him. He is pulled into a warm embrace, his face in her neck as she rubs his scalp. He calms down, falling asleep in Jelani's arms.
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The job goes smoothly and Jelani closely watches over Erik. He's currently sitting between her legs as she retwists his hair.
"Are you feeling better?"
"Yes."
"You sure?"
"Yes. I mean it Boss."
He looks up and Jelani gives a small smile as she strokes his cheek. He purrs as he presses his face against her hand.
"Erik. Promise me the next time the voices get too loud you will call me."
"Boss you don't--"
"Part of my job as your boss is to make sure you are mentally and emotionally fit to work. I don't need mean killing machines. I need men and women who are good at their job but can also function when not at work."
Erik nods.
"Promise me."
"I promise boss."
She kisses his forehead.
"Thank you."
He smiles as she finishes his hair before braiding the locs back. He leans on her inner thigh, purring as she massages his neck.
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"You okay?"
"Yeah. Just worried."
T'Challa leans forward in his chair.
"What's wrong?"
"Erik. He..." she bites her lip. "He had a bad day. I'm worried."
"Is he hurt?"
"More like emotionally. I'm just scared."
"Why?"
"I'm scared I'm going to lose him to his demons T'Challa. I mean we had a heart to heart and I thought I knew him pretty well."
"You don't do you?"
"I don't know a damn thing."
T'Challa chuckles as Jelani leans back in her bed.
"You know he said he likes me. A lot."
"I figured."
"How so?"
"I gave him a ride to the warehouse and when I mentioned I asked you about him, he got upset. I assumed you two had some kind of history outside of coworkers."
"We had sex once. That's it. Nothing more. I shouldn't have done that."
"Hey: don't beat yourself up. You didn't know. You thought he was doing fine right?"
She nods.
"You didn't know and he didn't say anything so you couldn't make a decision that could've benefited him."
Jelani nods as she licks her lips again, rubbing her neck.
"We have really good therapist and psychiatrists here in Wakanda. Maybe he just needs a new doctor."
"If I send him to him Wakanda he's going to feel like I'm shipping him off."
"You could come with him. You could work remotely."
Jelani looks at T'Challa.
"I'll ask him."
He nods.
"My love: please don't beat yourself up over this. You didn't know."
"I should've! I work with him everyday!" She snaps as she punches her pillow.
"I...I had a friend...I didn't realise he was depressed until too late."
"T'Challa..."
"I beat myself up because even though I would check on him and make sure he was okay, he clearly wasn't but he was always smiling, joking, being himself," T'Challa takes a deep breath. "I blamed myself to the point that my mother sent me to therapy and the therapist had to tell me it wasn't my fault. She said I did everything right as a person who was supporting someone with depression and suicidal thoughts. I did everything right but that wasn't enough for my friend and that I couldn't be mad at myself. I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear but please don't beat yourself up. If anything, you have a chance of saving him or helping him heal."
Jelani looks at T'Challa.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now, let me know what he says and if he agrees, I'll begin to make arrangements for you two."
"Thank you T'Challa."
He smiles.
"Good Night my love."
"Good Night my king."
The call ends and Jelani texts Erik, asking if he wants to have breakfast with her. He types back quickly, saying "yes" and the two make plans before she falls asleep.
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Jelani walks into the diner wearing a black wool coat over an oversized dark green cable knit turtleneck with black jeans and green timbs. She smiles at seeing Erik and walks over, hugging him as she sits.
"I ordered coffee for you since I got here first."
"Thank you hun."
They look at the menus before Erik looks at her.
"You said you had something to ask me?"
"Yes and please don't be mad with anything I am about to say. I am doing this in good faith."
Erik nods.
"I talked to T'Challa and I kinda had a moment where I cried and told him I'm concerned about you. I know you don't like him."
"It's not that I don't like him. I'm just jealous he gets to call you his girlfriend."
She gives a small smile.
"And he made an offer."
"Offer?"
"He says Wakanda has the best medicine in the world and asked if you would like to try their doctors. He would provide us with anything we need."
"Wait: we?"
"I told T'Challa if you said yes I was going with you. I don't want you to think I'm shipping you off because I'm not. I'm scared Erik."
"Why?"
"I don't want to lose you. You're one of my best friends and while T'Challa and I haven't set in stone that we are dating because by Wakandan courting rituals I can have up to three people court me or in American terms: date me."
Erik nods.
"So if I say yes, you go to Wakanda with me while I get treated?"
"Yes."
"And I can court you?"
"Yes."
"And you'll let me?"
"Yes."
Erik stares before moving from his spot and hugs her, kissing her cheek repeatedly and she laughs.
"Erik!"
"Thank you Jelani. Thank You."
"You are welcome Erik. Now, let's eat before telling T'Challa he will be getting some new house guests."
Erik gives her the brightest smile she has seen in ages and Jelani feels warm.