Waste it on Me (Kim Namjoon X reader)

Chapter 7

On Saturday, you and Namjoon had set up a time and reserved a room in the library where he would be helping you with the reading. The assignment asks for a report that analyzes the literary choices of the author. It wasn't hard, if you could understand the language. Namjoon and you silently read each sections by yourself. And when you're done with a chapter, you two would go through it together to make sure you've understood everything.

But unlike him, who takes 15 minutes to finish a chapter, it takes you about twice as long. You understand some English, but it makes it worse that the author doesn't like to say things the way they are.

"Alright, tell me what this section is talking about?" he asked after he saw that you were done reading the first chapter. You dreaded the moment, not wanting to sound dumb in front of him. You heard from Jungkook that Namjoon has an IQ of 148. That's intimidating let alone the fact that he's fluent in English. He sounds perfect, too bad nothing could happen between you two.

"He lied about stealing apples." you said proudly. From all the words the Hesse wrote, these were the clearest to you. Sinclair is a strange kid with big dreams.

Namjoon sighed, pressing the bridge of his nose."Yes, but why?"

"To impress some bully." you scoffed.

"Aish, Y/N. There's more to it than that. It's about temptations, and figuring out who you are." Namjoon said in frustration.

"I get it. I just don't understand why." Then you started ranting. "Are all guys like this? They don't say what they're feeling and they do this big show just to show off something they don't have."

"If you're trying to use Demian to describe hormonal teenagers, then, yes, you are right in a way." he laughed. It was a clear and soothing sound. "But it sounds like you're talking about someone specifically...like me?"

You coughed, feeling a little put on the spot."I just think that if you like her, you should tell her. Maybe it's not appropriate. But you could have told her after taking her class the first time. Am I right to think it was something at first sight?" He nodded. A piece of your heart sank. It reminded you of the night you had met him, that spark flew and it grew into a wildfire. Ultimately to be defeated by him.

"It's complicated. Maybe I'll tell you another day." He shrugged. There was a moment of silence, but the air felt freeing. You were just two people in the midst of each other's presence and chaos. "What's with that look?"

"I don't know. Doesn't it seem strange? Here I am, having this massive crush on you and I'm okay with listening to you talk about your love for another woman. I wonder if I should be okay or not." you confessed, and it felt good to finally tell him it all. Sure, it could be awkward, but it would be even more damaging if you keep it on the inside.

"Wait." he began, his face morphing into confusion. "You still like me?" It never occurred to you that he would think otherwise. Crushed don't just go away, or at least that's what you thought.

"Um, no?" you said, trying to divert your attention back to the book, "So Sinclair-"

"You just said you have a massive crush on me." Namjoon said louder, he seemed shocked for some reason.

You felt your cheeks going redder and burning up by the second. It wasn't a secret, but it felt weird now that he's aware of it."Yes, can we just go back to two minutes ago when I didn't just blurt that out?"

"I don't think so. Why do you like me?" He leaned on the table, elbowed propping his head up. Eyes glimmering in the sunlight. He looked beautiful, almost too unreal for this place.

"I don't want to answer that." you whined.

"C'mon, we're all friends here." he mocked. You rolled your eyes. Might as well just tell him what he wants.

"It's because you're so handsome and charming." you said sarcastically.

"Ha ha." he said in momotone.

"Like I told you that night, this is the first time ever that I have a crush. I've never been one to believe in love. Even my family didn't....That's for another day, maybe. But you know how in romantic movies, when the girl sees the guy for the first time and everything turns into slow motion. And his smile was the only sight she could see, it was like that. Only you had dimples also, which was a bonus." Your eyes wandered the room to avoid looking at him. But the enclosed space didn't provide much of a sight besides him. He was forbidden.

"Is that why you asked me to help you study? To use me?" He raised an eyebrow. It was a daring move. The blood in you boiled.

"Is that how you really think of me?" you asked, the hurt in your voice didn't mask well. "You think I'm just some lowly girl who's head over heels for you and would do anything to be near you?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way." he said, his voice was softer this time, as if comforting you. You can't get used to this or else you'll really be head over heels for him.

"No. But even if it was, even if that was my reason, what's wrong with it? I mean you're taking this incredibly boring class, no offense, to see her. You're going to embrace any moment you can with her. And subconsciously I'm doing that too, with you. Call it dumb or selfish. But eventually, my feelings for you will go away. I hope."

"Why do you want that?"

"Isn't it obvious. No matter what I wish for or do, your heart has already belonged to her the minute you laid eyes on her. Likewise, so did my heart when I saw you. And I need to take it back. Hearts are kinda important to the human body." You picked up the book again and continued reading. He observed your moment, every time you would turn a page, how your eyes narrow in on certain words that you don't understand. Then he went back to reading the chapter.

Namjoon

The room was extra quiet for some times. The sound of turning pages and occasional humming coming from Y/N has stopped. I lowered my book, a small smile forming on my face. Her head laid neatly sideway on the table. Her cheeks were a rosy color. I walked over to her, kneeling when I reached her face. A strand of her hair fell across her face and it was obviously bothering her as her nose kept scrunching. I carefully tucked it behind her ear.

There was nothing special about her. But her presence excites me a little. It's fun to tease her, it's fun to make her pout. I like seeing all of her facial expressions. It could be because I know she likes me, maybe I'm evil in that way. It would be easy to like her, there wouldn't be any restrictions. But there was so much pain in her voice when she was talking about love. What has the world done to this girl.

"Maybe in another lifetime." I whispered. "You deserve better." I draped my jacket over her shoulders, she moved a little, but didn't wake up. I quietly closed the door behind me, leaving behind what could have been.