The sky was dark, the cold breeze flying through your hair. The sun was nowhere in sight, as it wouldn't appear for another couple of hours. The clouds mirroring your mind and heart. The gate was open, the building inside beckoning you to come forward. The guard nodded at you when he saw that your name was on the list of visitors. He gestured for you to go inside. Inside, there was a stench of desperation and hopelessness. The desk assistant gave you directions to the room you were supposed to go to.
The hallway was bland. No pictures, no windows, no freedom. The room was located almost at the end of the hall, away from all of civilizations. You slowly turned the knob and entered. It was empty, besides the chair on your side and the chair on the other side. A glass wall separating evil from innocence. You took a seat, your heart pounding every second. The door on the other side opened and your heart stopped.
He was the same as you had remembered. His hair greasy, the receding hairline as prominent as ever. His shrubby beard was still there. You shuddered at the memories of the feeling of it on your skin when he would try to kiss you. The rare time he would give you love. His eyes were hollow, gravity pulling his weight down. The shackles on his hand hanging loose. When he saw you, there was a look of satisfaction in his eyes. Not the satisfaction like he was glad or happy, but the look of arrogance.
"About time." he said into the phone. His voice sent shivers down your spine. You kept your composure, not giving him any reactions.
"Nice to see you too, father. Nicer seeing you behind bars." you said, smiling. It's been almost 8 years since you've last seen him. The last time was when the police escorted him to jail. That day felt liberating, but that day was also the day you lost hope in love.
"If this glass wasn't between us right now, I'd have your scalp in my hands." he whispered so that the officer behind him wouldn't hear anything. You felt the same fear that was engraved in you all those years ago. You unconsciously moved away from the glass. He let out an emotionless laugh.
"Getting better? Was that what you said? I think this prison air is messing with your brain."
"What are you doing here?" he asked, sitting back in his chair.
"For so long, I thought that I was being strong by not giving into your invites to come here. I thought I was being the better person by ignoring your existence. In fact, sometimes I forget about you. I forget the pain you've given me, the years of hate and negligence, the love that you never gave me. But I realized I was running away from you, from your reign. I don't want to admit this, but you still have so much control over me." You bit your tongue to hold back your tears.
"I guess you discovered the real world, princess. It ain't all fairy tales, sweetheart. People will dissapoint, love will vanish. It's better to be the one who puts an end to it rather than being the one with the broken heart."
"Is that why you stopped loving us? Your family."
"Your mother left you with me, didn't she? I think she was the first one to stopped." He stopped laughing after a while after seeing your tears. You hadn't intended for them to drop, but the mention of your mom blew the dam up.
"Don't mention that woman." you whispered, your eyes lowering to the floor to void looking at him.
"It's all hereditary, my daughter."
"What are you talking about?"
"That cowardice attitude that your mother had, it's all in you."
"I will never leave my child with a monster." you growled, slamming your hand on the glass. The officer gave you a warning. Your father just laughed.
"Your mother never thought I was a monster when she married me. You won't know someone until they're at their breaking points." You slummed back into your chair. You remembered yesterday, with what happened with Namjoon. The fire in his eyes when he saw you, the rage when he pushed you down, and how cold it was when he left you.
"Did you ever love us?"
"Of course I did. What man wouldn't love his wife and daughter."
"What is love?" you asked to no one in particular. "Because of you, I'm so scared to love. I'm so scared to let other people love me. I'm so scared that they will all turn into you. If my own family couldn't love me, who could?"His eyes wandered to your bandaged hand. He grinned, the face etched into your head, "You witnessed it again, didn't you? Like I've said, people are disappointing."
"Yes, they are." you answered, wiping your tears away. "I've spent too much time looking for other people to love me. Never in my life have I considered my own love for myself. I think I'm going to start there. I'm the only one I should love." It was a declaration, not only to your father, but to yourself. This is what you deserve. You placed the phone back on the rack and stood up. "You will no longer have any power over me." you said. Even without the phone, your father understood. You turned the knob and leaving that world behind.
***
"Yuqi, please stop crying." said Taehyung, who had Yuqi in his embrace. The rest of the boys, even Namjoon was scattered all about in the living room of your shared apartment. Yuqi texted Jungkook last night to let him know that you had left while she was out to get food. As soon as they heard, the boys all went over, to start searching the area but found nothing. It was too early to file a missing person report. No one got any sleep.
"I'm sure she'll be alright." said Hoseok. He rested his head on Yoongi's shoulder while the older one is clearly asleep, exhausted after staying up all night. It was 7 in the morning. The door started rattling, and every turned their heads sharply. Yuqi was the first one to get up, running straight into you, her arms wrapping you tight.
"Oh, hello to you too-"
"Where the fuck have you been?" she asked, her voice raised and it took you by surprised. When she pulled back, you gasped at the sight of her swollen eyes. Her tears have yet to dry. Then you looked up, seeing the boys in the living room, in a similar state. You instantly felt guilty.
"I-I went to see him." you answered in a quiet voice.
Yuqi narrowed her eyes. "Why would you do that and not tell me?"
"I'm sorry, I should have told you." She punched your shoulder lightly."Yeah, you should have. I was so worried and so were they!" She pointed to the boys, half of them had already fallen asleep when they realized you were safe. Only Jungkook and Namjoon had their eyes on you. You gave Jungkook an apologetic look while avoiding Namjoon all together.
"I left you a note saying I'll be gone for a day." you said. Yuqi looked confused. You pointed to the fridge where a note was pin with a magnet.
"This is not something you just write a note about!" she yelled, hugging you again. Her body weight fell on top of your and you realized she was asleep. With Jungkook's help, you carried her to her room and pulled the blanket over her.
"Jungkook, listen, I was selfish. I'm sorry for making you worry. And the rest of the boys. I'll apologize to them when they wake up. You should sleep too."
"You don't have to apologize. Yes, I was upset and now I'm angry. But I understand. And next time, if you ever have any trouble, please tell us about it." He pulled you in for a hug and you didn't hesitate to accept. Then he went back to the living room. You were about to go into your room but a figure approached your side. You ignored his presence and continued on inside. He grabbed your wrist and spun you around. Your face inches from his.
"What the hell do you want?" you asked tiredly, trying to pry his grip off of you, but he wouldn't budge.
"Look, I know you're mad at me and you have every right to but please listen to me." he begged, his voice cracked at some point.
"Why should I? We're not even friends anymore." At your statement, his hands fell at his side and he looked visibly disappointed and broken. You closed your door, also leaving that world behind.
YOU ARE READING
Waste it on Me (Kim Namjoon X reader)
Fanfiction"You're a coward, Namjoon. If she is the person you love, then go to her. Tell her you love her, hold her like she's your world." "Y/N," he said, trying to take your hand. "Do you still like me?" "It doesn't matter. It never did." Does love at first...