Faded Memories | lp

Chapter Nine

"When will you come back?" I ask, holding Liam's hand tightly. He releases my hand and picks up his suitcase, holding his plane ticket in the other hand.

"Tour is eight months, but I'll visit sporadically." He says. I let my hair fall in front of my face. Then, I hear the playful shouts of his band mates. It's been a while since they were all together and I'm sure they missed each other. I smile, knowing he's doing what he loves.

"Don't do anything stupid." I say and kiss him.

"I won't."

I'm taken out of my short memory and thrust back into the present when I open my moist eyes. I sit up and wipe the tears away. At this rate, I might remember everything by the year 3000. I sigh, knowing I'll probably never get all my memories back.

I go to turn on my bedside lamp and that's when I come to find the power is out. I groan and find my phone to use it as a flashlight. I hear Tiger meowing in the kitchen, I find out that she is terrified of thunderstorms and she pees when she's nervous. I had the experience of stepping in her piss and nearly slipping.

I manage to light a few candles and turn the radio on the local weather station. Luckily, it was on the right channel. The weather guy says the storm will be over in the next half an hour and power should be restored by tomorrow.

I decide to read.

I sit down on the sofa after cleaning Tiger-Lily's mess with my two published books, Open Doors and Detached. I've skimmed over both of these since the accident but now I just want to take the time and read them thoroughly.

After about an hour and a half, I've finished Detached. I'm getting a little sleepy although it's early afternoon. I take a lap around the house before sitting down again, opening Open Doors. I finish reading that one in just over an hour.

Sonia mentioned I had a third book in the works. I wonder where I keep my projects. I search my room for a laptop, but can't find one. I open drawers and look under my bed for a notebook or something I would write in. Finally, I find a brown leather notebook above some boxes I my closet. I run my hand over the cover, wishing for my old life desperately.

Inside, I find dozens of Polaroid pictures of me and Liam. I get a little choked up because I don't remember taking these at all. I also find my latest work, 28 Ways. I've written about twenty chapters and after reading them, I find that I didn't end it. It's left off in the middle of a sentence, in the middle of a thought. Under it, I wrote a short message. It says: John Green lolol. I don't know who John Green is or why I found that funny but I move on.

It's about a boy who writes letters to his dead sister, but you don't know the sister is dead until one of the last chapters. The letters are how he could've saved her. He writes 28 of these letters. It's really emotional. I see all 28 letters here but I guess I didn't know how to end it so I left it unfinished. Maybe I could end it, I'm sure it wouldn't be as good compared to if my old self ended it but I guess it's worth a try.

I go into a zone and write a few sentences before my brain farts. I put on some music with my phone. I never thought old rock would be my style but that's pretty much what my entire music library consists of. AC/DC plays first, then a few songs from Metallica and The Rolling Stones. I don't even know any current songs. The newest song I remember is Heartbeat by The Fray. I don't really have an interest in listening to new music, the old stuff is the best.

I make some soup for myself for dinner since the power came back on. I listen to the low hum of the TV and Tiger purring softly on the windowsill. I realize this is the life I want. I was skeptical with the trailer but I fit so nicely here.

If only I could just slip back into my old life. I was so happy in those pictures with Liam and a few other boys I don't know. They're probably in the band with Liam. I saw Harry, the one who talked to me about avocados. I don't quite understand him yet.

I ate my soup and watched a TV show about some hillbillies making duck calls. I don't remember what it was called, but everyone had a beard.

I pet Tiger until she's asleep, then I slip in my bedroom and put on my pajamas. I get ready for bed and lay down with my phone.

It's time to do some research.

I go on twitter, which is very different from the 2012 version, and see thousands of notifications. I reply to a few questions and even follow some fans back. I scroll through my tweets and cringe. I've changed so much in the last two years. I say things like 'yolo' and 'bitch waaaat.' I had to Google what 'yolo' meant. I feel like an old lady.

My pictures are horrendous. They mostly consist of me taking pictures of myself with my front lens, which I later found out is called a 'selfie.' I hardly recognize myself in most if them, I'm hiding behind the colorful hair and flashy makeup. I don't get why I would like that.

I turn my phone off and curl up in the blankets, trying to shut out all the bad things in my life. I don't have friends and I don't remember the last two years of my life.

Sucks being me.