Faded Memories | lp

Chapter Eighteen

The dress fittings went well, and instead of heading back to the hotel, Perrie decided she wanted to have a girls night.

We all agreed, more or less.

We find a nice restaurant and are seated quickly, something about Britain's biggest girlband gets us through the line quickly.

"Are you excited, Perrie?" Jade squeals, grabbing her hand from across the table and squeezing it.

Perrie grins wildly and says, "Duh Jade! It's only going to be the best day of my life!"

Jesy and I laugh.

"It'll be amazing, we'll make sure of it." Jade reassures her.

"So Jo, you haven't said much. What's on your mind?" Perrie and the other girls turn their attention towards me. I shrug.

"Nothing really, I don't even know you guys, you're like strangers." I say simply. Jade drops her gaze and the atmosphere at the table shifts.

"It must be hard, I'm sorry." Jesy says.

"It's very hard, and I'm sick of people saying they're sorry. It's not their damn fault, it's mine." I say harshly. Jesy becomes very interested in the menu after I say that.

"We wish we could help, Jo, but we can't." Jade says. Perrie nods.

"I'm gonna get some air." I stand up abruptly and leave the table. I go out to the balcony and lean against the railing. It's freezing out here, but I need to clear my mind before I go back inside.

I wish that truck would've killed me, it would've been a whole lot easier. It would've been easier for Liam to say goodbye, rather than have to explain who he was to me. I'm sick and tired of people saying they're sorry. They didn't do anything. I can't do this anymore. I'm finally broken.

"Hey." Perrie somehow snuck up on me. She pulls a jacket around my shoulders. I continue looking down at the ground below the balcony. We just stand there, for who knows how long.

"Hey yourself." I respond after my anger has subdued.

"You wanna talk?" She asks quietly. Her head turns towards me but I don't move.

"I hate this, all of it. I'm trying so hard to remember what it was like before, but I can't." Tears escape my eyes and I can't stop them. "I wish that truck would've smashed me because this is so fucking hard. It would've been easier for everyone if I would've died. People wouldn't have to explain how they were my friends before, and I wouldn't be forced to believe them." I pause.

"No one else gets how hard this really is." Now I'm sobbing uncontrollably. Perrie stands there in silence, and I think that's best.

"It wouldn't of been easier if you died. Liam would be heartbroken and I would, too. Jade, Jesy, and Leigh-Anne would miss you. That would be easier for you, maybe, but it would be hell for all of us. I'm not saying this to sound selfish, but it's the truth.

Don't you dare take the easy way out, because easy doesn't get you anywhere. Sometimes you have to accept what happened and stop giving a shit about it. People won't get anywhere in life complaining and feeling anxious about the past. It's the past, look forward to the future." Perrie is crying now, too. I turn my head to look at her. I see how broken she is about the situation. It wouldn't of been easier for her, it might've been harder if I died.

"But I don't even know if I have a future to look forward to." I whisper.

"You make your future however you want."

The people with the best advice have seen the most.

"I'm done giving a shit about the accident." I wrap my arms around Perrie and hug her. She pulls her arms up and holds me close. She would've lost me if I died, so I can see how this is better.

"We should get back inside before we freeze." I mumble into her shoulder. She pulls back and wipes my tears away.

Time to focus on the future.

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Sorry it's short I have homework and it's my birthday so I just got home from the homecoming game woo