Choose your future. Choose life.

looking for answers

Charlie started to slide down the back of the door she had just shut after saying goodbye to her sister. Her head slumped into her hands. She didn't know what to think. Surely it was just a coincidence. Maybe she had had her period, but she just forgot. 'Yeh, that must of been it' she thought with hope. With everything that was going on, a period was easily forgotten. Or perhaps she just wasn't eating right and it caused her to miss her period; that had happened to her once when she was on the streets and Charlie remembers reading that somewhere in a book. She lifted her head from her hands, looking around her flat not knowing what else to do at that time. She considered  calling Sickboy, but she didn't want to disturb him. If she called him up she wouldn't know what to say either. Did she mention that she missed a couple of periods and hope he understood what she was talking about? Or did she just leave it until she properly found out if she was up the duff.

'Its nothing to worry about,' Charlie said to herself.

'Just some health issue.' She said trying to trick herself into what she had just said. she finished off reassuring herself as she slowly lifted herself up off of the floor. She walked over to the kitchen pouring herself a drink of water trying to calm herself down, not really knowing what else to do with herself. If she sat there and over thought the whole situation she would end up feeling worse about the whole ordeal and get herself into a bigger mess that she wouldn't be able to dig herself out of. But what was she to do with herself? The dog sat at Charlies feet, looking up to her with there tongue sticking out. She smiled and laughed slightly at the look of didgets face. At least she wasn't alone in that sense. She looked back to the clock to see it wasn't even 8 yet. She looked back to her dog and decided to get her mind off of everything and clear her mind and take a walk with him. So without thinking she went and grabbed her shoes and coat. She had just reached up to grab the leash when she felt didget jump up on her leg and start barking at her to hurry up. She laughed again at his reaction and reached down to put the leash on the dog. He jumped up seeing her start to walk towards the door and wagged his tail excitedly as Charlie moved to the door handle and opened the door after picking up her keys. She closed the door behind her locking up and zipped up her coat getting ready to face the bitter winds outside.

It almost felt the stairs kept going as she tried to start clearing her hand. There were ever going and she started to feel a little dizzy as she went to grab the hand rail to steady herself. She shook her slightly trying to get back on track and concentrate getting down the stairs without falling arse over tit. She came to the door in the common area and just before stepping outside she tugged her cost higher around her neck, not wanting to catch a cold at this point. 

Once getting outside, Charlie looked down when she felt a tug at the leash and saw her dog wanting to chase after a squirrel that had just moved up a large tree into the protection of the large leaves. She slowly went on the path to the nearby park. The falling leaves presented a crunchy path for the pair to walk on, the trees swaying back and forth peacefully and the birds were no longer flitting back and forth as they had already gone to sleep for the night. Charlie let the dog leash go a little letting didget run about with a bit more freedom and she was letting him get up to the usually sneaky antics. The dog was sniffing around, barking at a couple animals that were still roaming around, enjoying the outdoors and all it had to offer. This is what Charlie needed. After being cooped up in the flat for the past couple of days, the crisp air felt nice and refreshing on her skin. Walking up the wooded paths, she lifted herself up and over fallen logs as her furry companion jumped with ease over these same logs. Stray branches brushed up against her legs and the odd fern or two ended up getting caught on her tights. Charlie sighed deeply once she got to a opening in the woods. A clearing that allowed her to see the moon that was just coming out to play. The musk of the evening started reaching her nose and the unique smell made her feel at home. Nothing beat the smell of the park/woods in Scotland, no amount of perfumes, or candles could ever beat this. For a while she had completely forgotten everything she was worrying about beforehand, only knowing peace in that moment; However the thoughts soon came rushing back as she made her way out of the park and woods only to find herself walking up the high street next to her flat. Up ahead she could see the local pharmacist with the glowing green neon light shining bright from there overbearing sign that hung from the side of the wall. As she drew near to the shop, she felt the urge to walk in and pick up the one thing that could tell her something she didn't wish to know. She started slowing up as she came face to face with the store. Charlie looked down to he dog and saw his face looking up to her waiting for her next move and then looked back up to the store. She paused for a moment. She didn't know whether or not to go in; it wasn't until she heard her dog bark up to her, breaking her out of her trance. Before she realized what she was doing, she was tying up her dog to the nearest lamp post and walking in. Charlie had walked straight up to the pregnancy tests and picked up a random one not knowing what all the different brand names where and what was so different between them all. Strolling up to the till she dumped the test on the counter top not wanting to look up to the cashier in fear of what she may say. She handed over the money and shoved the test in her pocket and picked up the change chucked over to her and ducked her head down once more getting out of the store as quickly as she could. She went straight to didget and unwrapped the lead and Picked up the leash, as she once again started on her way back home, unsure of whether or not she had just done the right thing. She walked with haste back to her flat, racing as fast as she could up the stairs with didget running after her and opening up the door as quickly as she could. Taking her dog off the leash, she placed the leash back in its place and watching didget fun around for a little bit, only to then watch him mindlessly get comfortable on the sofa. She kicked off her shoes placing them by the side underneath the coat hook. Taking off her jacket she slung it up on a hook, not wanting to see again what was in the pocket. She walked away trying to forget once more taking a trip to the kitchen getting her self a cup of tea and some biscuits and getting a dog treat for didget. Charlie slunk back to the living room throwing the treat over watching her dog lap it up before she even had time to sit down. Now what was she supposed to do? Wait for something to happen? Or wait for someone to knock on the door? A small part of her was wanting to go find Sickboy and find relief in the form of drugs, but she couldn't bring herself to do that after being clean for so many years. And she couldn't think about the consequences that might happen if she was in fact pregnant and she took drugs. Would it hurt the baby? Her hand started to make its way back to her lower stomach as if to hold it protectively. She looked at her hand and realised how weird she was being. She removed her hand and moved it to her cup of tea in her hand as she took a sip of the tea. She then had her mind wonder back to work. For some reason she was thinking about looking for another job, not really knowing why she started to think like that. She somewhat liked the people she worked with and it was decent money, but granted it wasn't something she would be wanting to do for the rest of her life. Maybe it was Sickboy taking an effect on her or something, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she had given in to him and got another job. She was at a loss. She didn't know what to do, with herself or with life. So she sat there; in silence looking for answers in the bottom of her cup of tea. Strangely enough no answers came to her that night. She decided maybe a early night was what she needed, so she went to the kitchen and emptied out the last of her cup of tea and washed the cup up before calling it a night. She moved to the bedroom as didget followed her faithfully. After getting into her pjs she jumped into bed and tried to fall asleep. She thought she might finally know what to do or what to do. But the next night came and went and she still didn't know what to do with herself. The next night came and went and she didn't know what to do. She kept on think that the next
Night would be the night were she finally got everything together. But it never came. If didn't come for a long while. Weeks had gone past and for her it just felt like a blur as she tried to wrap her head around everything. Sickboy came and went regularly, on the odd occasion just coming down from a high. Alison took over her position at work for this time as well, Charlie really didn't want to have her sister pick up her slack, but Alison was insistent that she take over whilst she was feeling under the weather. She could tell that something wasn't right with her sister, so it was the least she could do after there parents had kicked her out. In all honesty though, Alison rather enjoyed the work, getting to know loads of people and having a laugh on a regular bases. Everyone around Charlie had seemingly there life together, yet she sat there day after day not knowing what to do with the problems that came her way. She ended up hiding from the world unsure how to face it. Not knowing what was coming next. She didn't think she'll ever know how to tell Sickboy or even Alison. Maybe if she was pregnant she could just hide it and pop the thing out without anyone finding out. Or maybe move away until the thing was born and then come back like nothing had happened. The one thing she did know was that she had no clue what she was going to do next and if she was even going to take the pregnancy test that was still hiding away in her coat pocket that was still hung up on the coat.l hook by the door.