Choose your future. Choose life.

Realising (Epilogue)

THIS CHAPTER HAD  MENTIONS OF BABYS DYING/ DEATH IN IT SO IF ANYONE IS TRIGURED BY THAT PLEASE DON'T READ. IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE HAS BEEN EFFECT BY THIS, THEN THE FOLLOW ARE PEOPLE/ PLACES YOU CAN LOOK TO FOR HELP AND GUIDENCE:

the Lullaby Trust: 08088026868

                                   lullabytrust.org.uk

sands: 08081643332

             sands.org.uk

petals: petalscharity.org

tommys: 08000147 800

                    tommys.org

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He stood there. Starring out of the window. Not moving an inch. The world moving around him, changing, expanding and ticking by. He had a blank expression on his face and had gone numb. He couldn't help but feel nothing. He didn't know what else to feel. How was he meant to feel after going to hell and back. He'd changed. He changed since that day and he didn't even realise it. All he felt was numb.

It had been two weeks since the day he lost the love of his life. He didn't even get to say goodbye. Or even let her know how she meant to him. The time they had spent together felt like minutes; and the time they could've spent together could have been years. His future was torn away from him in a matter of moments, and he didn't know how he was going to get over the fact that he was all alone. Of course he had his friends, but they didn't fill that void as much as charlie did. None of his friends knew what he was going through, as none of his friends ended up meeting charlie, except for Renton, but for all he knew charlie and Sickboy were just friends, nothing else. Of course he still had Allison, who knew everything that had happened and had taken responsibility for Dawn; baby Dawn. The baby he couldn't bring himself to look at. Every time he looked at her, all he could see was charlie. All he could see was the face of a woman that he'd never get to see again.

All of Sickboys friends around didn't notice a change in him. The had seen him for a while anyways as he was looking after Charlie too much to hang out with them. For them it had felt like he had ditched them a while back and they were just getting there friend back. In fact, they were glad he was hanging around more, and they were glad he was falling back into his old ways. The only person that saw the pain in his eyes was Renton. He didn't know what Sickboy was going through, but he could see the little things that Sickboy was doing; not being as talkative he usually was, spent most of his time sleeping, or high off of his head. Renton didn't know what was going on, but he wasn't going to pry, the last thing he wanted to do was cause a fuss or an argument; he just decided to ignore it all. He didn't like it, because he was really concerned about his friend, he had wondered about what had happened to him and what had happened to Charlie as he hadn't seen him for a while. He ironically thought that they might of broken up or something. He didn't even think about anything else that might of happened to her, his mind didn't even go to death. 

'What's the poison of choice today sick?' Renton asked Sickboy as he walked into sawnnys place. Ever since sickboy had turned a bit sad, Renton had always tried to include him in everything and always tried to cheer him up. Sickboy turned around from starring out the window.

'What Evers on the menu' Sickboy replied with no emotion, trying to act normal. He tried, but he failed miserably. He looked round to see Renton starting to cook up, and decided to sit down by the side of him. Renton looked up through his eyelashes to see Sickboy by the side of him, not bothering to ask what was wrong with him. Sickboy tried to make himself busy and tried to make him seem interested in whatever Renton was doing. He was trying to get himself back into the old routine that he had before he had met Charlie, but he was finding it hard.