Bob's Life: Global Warming

Chapter 2: Pumpkin Cruelty Exists, Apparently

For Bob, this was a normal day. For now, at least.

He woke up, lay in bed doing absolutely nothing for an hour, and when he got up, he had coffee, since he was too lazy to get breakfast and read the newspaper, which was very eloquently written, by the way. If anyone ever finds out who the author is, let me know. I need writing tips(the author's name is Joseph, just to let y'all know). There have been very strange cases of mustard clogging up sinks, and there have been complaints about a very ominous message written on an apartment wall in mustard. Something about destroying all the rainbows...well, whoever wrote that message doesn't sound very friendly. Bob, however, paid very little attention to the newspaper(he didn't even notice the eloquent writing!) and watched TV instead.

And it was very, very loud.

It was loud enough to cause a cat-astrophe. No, that wasn't a typo. A cat-astrophe.

The cats had many protests to the volume of the TV, and the most noticeable one was Tree #10, as usual, since she knocked over all the houseplants in the midst of her screeching and caterwauling. Though Tree #3 started a hissy fit, Tree #12 clawed at a very fancy curtain, and Tree #11 started running in circles. Basically, it was chaos until Bob finally turned off the TV and grudgingly starting actually reading the newspaper.

Then the doorbell rang.

Fortunately, it wasn't too loud, so the cats didn't wreck havoc again. Which is a good thing (as much as I dislike Bob) since he's too lazy to hire someone to clean and too lazy to clean for himself.  Bob was set on ignoring the doorbell, but it rang again. And again. And again. And again, so it was practically impossible to ignore.

With a sigh, he walked at an unbearably slow pace to his very fancy door, and the ringing still continued. He practically tore off the door with his super strength, and he was met by the sight of two people: a girl and a boy, both with jet black hair and brown eyes, furiously pressing the doorbell.

"Why isn't he answering?" the girl hissed, almost like a cat.

"I don't know, Lily!" the boy responded, pressing the doorbell yet again.

Bob glared down at the pair, waiting for them to notice that a significantly taller man was staring them down. But they just continued their game of 'attack the doorbell'.

"Ahem."

Lily turned to see Bob, looking rather excited and not a bit intimidated. 

"Hello there!" she said.

"Why are you two here?" Bob growled, narrowing his eyes in annoyance.

"I'm Lily, and this is Jack!" the girl chirped cheerfully. "We were just wondering if you would like to sign this petition against pumpkin cruelty!"

That was when Bob noticed that they were wearing identical orange outfits: orange shirts, leggings, and a green hat. To be frank, they looked like human pumpkins.

"Approximately 53 million pumpkins each year are killed in America." said Jack solemnly, bowing his head.

"Are those actual statistics?" Lily asked, squinting in confusion.

"...Maybe."

"But then..."

"Well, Jasmine said that in a debate, it's not smart to argue about statistics, even if they're way off, because that doesn't help your point. And," Jack declared proudly, standing up straighter. "Jasmine takes debate classes."

"But you said America, Jack." Lily pointed out.

"So?"

"We're Canadian." said Lily in a shrill voice.

"True, true." Jack responded, looking slightly miffed.

"Look, you two are ridiculous." Bob rudely cut into their little conversation. "Pumpkins are meant to be eaten."

"That's why we're here to change your mind!" Lily responded quickly, wrapping her arms around Jack, who was now quivering with rage. "So please don't make my bestie explode, and don't drink any more pumpkin spice latte!"

"But I like pumpkin spice latte!" Bob protested. That was probably the dumbest thing Bob could have ever said to a pumpkin rights activist.

The pair looked absolutely horrified, and Jack suddenly looked like he was going to go on a killing spree any minute now, so Bob very wisely decided to slam the door closed and pushed a chair against it.

The next few hours were spent fortifying his house. He threw a chair, then a couch, and even his beloved refrigerator against the door. He made the fifteen Trees guard fifteen of his many windows, locked all his windows, and barred a few of the unguarded ones. No one ever thought they'd see the day two little eccentric children scare the arrogant billionaire with super strength, but for the rest of the day, the very few neighbours chuckled at the locked doors and windows.

Also, the cats somehow found a way to escape through the windows, and they were never seen by Bob again. Believe it or not, but they would have been better off without Bob, because Bob was so lazy that he was a very neglectful owner.

That doesn't come as a surprise, honestly.

Author's Note: 

Jack and Lily are very strange characters. That's why I like them.

Don't forget to make sure that all your pumpkin food is artificially flavoured! I don't even eat pumpkins...

(Please don't take my characters seriously they're also insane. Go ahead and eat as many pumpkins as you want, just not in front of them.)