Bob's Life: Global Warming

Chapter 10: Attack On Cat Cult

Like Luigi, Moonfishy was an anxious, panicky mess. Only ten times more anxious, panicky, and much more of a mess.

Wait...how about...

An overwrought, apprehensive clutter.

Yes, Moonfishy is a thesaurus. Yes, she is also horrible at her job as a thesaurus and often messes up her sentences so badly with fancy words that no one can understand her. No one knows why Min wanted her as an assistant, and how this socially inept creature is even able to be a good assistant is a mystery.

"Go fridge, go." she muttered as she walked by a random fridge. "Salutations, Mr. Planty. I'm gonna get ready to speak with bubbles today."

The thesaurus stopped in her tracks, blinking in confusion. "Bubbles? Wait, no, I meant humans. Human beings. Human beans. Humans aren't beans. Why is communication so frustrating?!"

By the way, she is now speaking to a plant. Yes, a literal plant. I can't say if she's weirder than Bob or not.

"Bubble tea bubbly industries speaking, how can I help you?" she suddenly piped up. "Wait, no! I don't want to say that! I'm talking to myself, and if I can't even properly communicate to myself, how do I talk to other people? Everything makes so much more sense in my head! And I want pink hair!"

"Please don't dye your hair, Moonfishy."

Moonfishy jumped at the voice, and turned to see Min, who was standing behind her the whole time. "So, I was communicating to another person? Did you hear everything I said?"

"Indeed."

"That makes sense!" She gave a sigh of relief. At least she could still talk to herself without difficulty.

And readers, I too am extremely confused at her thought process. First, she thought up the quote, "Bubble tea bubbly industries, how can I help you?", befriended a house plant, and the name Moonfishy.

She isn't called Moonfishy for just any reason, though. Her name means 'moon' in Spanish, and 'fish' in Chinese. I'm still questioning why she didn't just keep her real name, but oh well. At least this is more interesting than narrating Bob's life.

"Moonfishy?"

"Huh?"

"Still alive?" Min asked her teasingly.

"I think." Moonfishy said, not very convincingly. "Well, yes, I'm alive. Actually, I might be dead. Inside. Especially my finger. My finger is definitely dead on the inside."

Min, who certainly did not expect that answer, fixed her with a confused stare. "Alright, then. Let's get down to business..."

Before Moonfishy had the chance to make a Mulan reference, there was a slight creak above them. Both of them exchanged skeptical glances, looking up at the ceiling.

At that moment, a figure crashed through the ceiling and onto the tiled floor of one of Cat Cult's many kitchens. They landed in the stereotypical superhero position, glaring at the pair.

Moonfishy only caught a glimpse of red streaked hair and a robot eye before the figure streaked past them at an inhuman speed, their movements looking almost mechanical. As expected, the thesaurus panicked at that, grabbing a mop to wield as a weapon. Min seemed surprisingly calm, tilting his head to the side curiously.

"Is that Sunny?" he asked.

"Who?"

"How do you not know Sunny?" Min exclaimed. "She's the local grumpy teenage cyborg, and not even you can miss a cyborg."

"Well, I'm sorry I don't have any social skills!"

"Oh, right." Min sighed. "Seeing as I actually know how to speak to people, let me handle this."

A very awkward pause. Sunny stopped, keeping a tight grip on a jar of rainbow cookies. Her expression was perfectly blank, and her robot eye flashed red every few seconds.

"Er, hi?"

Sunny's eyes narrowed, and she pulled out a spear in the shape of a lightning bolt. Then she grinned, a wide smirk that was way too familiar-

And she proceeded to cut through the jar of cookies with her spear.

The pair could only watch in astonishment as Sunny ruthlessly crushed and cut through all the rainbow food she could get her hands on. For some reason, her quick, methodical movements were just...familiar, although Moonfishy had no clue where she saw someone destroy rainbow food before.

Then, as quickly and suddenly as she came, the cyborg left, rainbow crumbs left on the tiled kitchen floor.

"That was strange." Min shrugged, unfazed. "Are all teenagers like this?"

"How are you not freaked out right now?" Moonfishy asked as she put away the mop, only to pull it out of the closet again.

"It's just food."

"Yeah, but someone literally just broke into Cat Cult. We're supposed to be in hiding, remember? And don't you think that destroying rainbow food is sort of a bad omen? Also, there's been that newspaper article about mustard clogging up the sinks, and now the rainbow food-"

Min silenced her rambles with a glare. "No, she is not coming back."

"We both know how she feels about rainbows, though." Moonfishy argued back. "This is exactly why we went into hiding. We could send out some people to get the sprinkles, just in case."

"She's been gone for years, Moonfishy." said Min, eyes narrowed. "She wouldn't come back now."

They cleaned up the kitchen in silence, and Moonfishy tried to stop thinking about her completely crazy conspiracy theories that make no sense whatsoever. But she knew for certain that there was a small chance that she might have come back.

For once, she hoped the impossible truly was impossible.

Author's Note:

Moonfishy is the most relatable character in this entire book. Also my finger was dead when I wrote this, so that explains the dead finger part. Not literally, though.

Anyone get the reference in the chapter title?