triggering: bullying, anorexia, depression
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'my shadow's the only one that walks beside me
my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'til then I walk alone'
- green day, boulevard of broken dreams
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as i approached the red brick building my heart started doing the familiar flips i was used too. when i step through those doors there's a fifty fifty chance on whether i make it to first lesson without being caught by isaac and his goons or not. they usually leave me alone first thing on a morning because they can't pull large crowds to humiliate me in front of. yes, they are pleasant people deep down as you can tell. i took a deep breath and stepped inside, the glass doors swinging shut behind me. keeping my head down and clutching my bag tightly, i made my way down the corridor. i got the usual few muttered insults but apart from that i was left alone. it almost brought a smile to my face for the second time this morning. almost. i kinda had this feeling that today would be a better day than usual. i'm not sure why since i never get that feeling. probably because i never have a good day. it just felt like a good day today. maybe because my first lesson was the thing i loved most and the only subject i like - music. music keeps me sane, it's how i survive. listening to it, playing guitar, singing, all of it. it was my passion, my hobby, my life. i made my way to the music classroom and took my seat next to calum.
"well hello there." he greeted, smiling warmly at me.
i just smiled back. he was used to me not talking much at school. if it makes sense, the person i am in school is completely different to who i am the rest of the time. i say 'the person' because i don't know who it is, it's definitely not me. it's like someone comes and takes over. the seats soon filled even though the class didn't start for a while yet. sitting in here beats roaming the corridors i guess. i'd never been here this early before, (i'm usually late) so i took the opportunity to look at the students around me. some guy in front of me was drumming on the table with two pencils while the boy next to him hummed a tune in time. i focused on them, trying to identify the song and i realised that calum was doing the same. the rest of the students were all talking among themselves, we seemed to be the only ones interested in the two boys. i was concentrating hard on the song they were humming when my thoughts were interrupted.
"jaseyyy, stay with me." calum sang quietly and i turned to him smiling.
i'd heard him sing quite a lot and his voice never seems to disappoint. it's beautiful. the two boys turned around, obviously hearing him. the first thing i noticed was the boy directly in front of me. his curly blonde-brown hair being held back by a red bandana, hazel eyes shining in the classrooms bright lights and the dimples that appeared when he smiled at calum. honestly, there's a chance i melted and evaporated right there and then. i think his dimples are deeper than the ocean. they're so deep even adele can't roll in them. i'm just going to put it out there.
he was beautiful.
i would speak to him, if i actually could. i'm pretty sure i was incapable of forming words.
"you're voice is amazing!" the angel boy exclaimed.
calum blushed a little and the boy next to the angel smiled. he had blonde hair in a quiff and deep blue eyes. a lip ring rested near the corner of his mouth and his smile was like a godsend. these perfect boys need to stop appearing.
"do you play anything?" the blonde boy asked and cal nodded vigorously.
cal played guitar like me.
