Crazy Girls (One of Those) - Klance [Sequel to 'Pacify Her']

As soon as you walk out my door, I'm gonna call a hundred times

The moment I regained any kind of feeling in my limbs, the first thing I did was run inside to grab my phone, eagerly dialing in his number. I need to talk to him. There is no way I would be able to stay sane knowing he's out there, upset and hurt, and that it is all my fault. I have to fix this.

I anxiously pace back and forth through the small, cramped living room, subconsciously biting my nails as I press the phone to my ear, listening closely as it continuously rings and rings until finally:

"Hey, this is Lance!"

"Lance!" I cry out upon hearing his voice sound through the small, cell phone speaker. "Lance, I'm-"

"Unfortunately I can't talk right now, but feel free to leave a message and I'll call you back when I can!"

I pause as I hear a beep emit from my phone, but my voice is suddenly caught in my throat and I forget all the many things I wanted to say to him. I quickly smash my finger into the end button before it can record my silent message for too long. I let out a loud, frustrated growl as I roughly toss my phone into the nearest couch in the room, feeling my chest begin to flood with a dangerous concoxion of fury, shame, and an ungodly amount of remorse.

Of course he didn't answer me! After all, why would he? I was an absolute dick to him and I don't deserve to be forgiven. I said such awful things and I must have broken his precious heart. He probably hates me by now. I would hate me too, if I were him...

But even though he hates me and probably never wants to hear my voice again, he needs to know that I didn't mean anything I said. He needs to know that I was just angry and frustrated and that I was just saying meaningless nonsense because I'm an idiot! He needs to know that he is loved, by me more than anyone else and that he does not deserve to feel so badly about himself because he is the most amazing person in the entire world and that he means absolutely everything to me. I need to help him recognize that. I need to help him love himself as much as I love him.

I feel my chest twist at the thought of his heartbreaking negative self-talk, but it only prompts me to hurl myself at the couch, picking up my phone and urgently dialing his number once again.

Unsurprisingly, he didn't answer and I was simply led to his voicemail once again. But that didn't stop me this time. I called again. And again. And again and again and again and I kept on calling, refusing to stop no matter how many times it rings out without a hint of response. I just could not give up. I couldn't give up on him. I couldn't give up on the precious, beautiful love that the two of us share and will continue to share, no matter what it takes.

I had completely lost track of how many times I had called, when finally, instead of doing it's usual routine of repeatedly ringing until it was done, it simply went straight to voicemail as soon as I pressed the phone to my ear. Did he... block me? No... No, his phone must have died. Or maybe he just turned it off for now but will turn it back on when he's ready to talk. Yeah, he just needs time, that's it. Okay, I'll give him time. Then I'll try again.

I heard that long, singular beep once again, but unlike the times before, this time I didn't hang up.

"Lance..." I breathe out, releasing a heavy sigh. "I... I'm not sure how many times I've tried to call you by now, but... it seems like you're not going to answer any time soon so... so I guess I'm leaving a message."

I pause momentarily, sorting through my words in my head before continuing.

"I just wanted to say that I am so so so sorry for what I said to you and that I didn't mean a single word of it. I was just being a stupid, dumb, idiot and I wasn't thinking clearly. It's just that... I love you so much and I just wish I could show the whole world that! But... I guess that's not what you wanted..."

A sore lump forms in my throat and I have to quickly swallow away the tears that threaten to spill for at least the third time that day.

"Lance, you are the most wonderful person I have ever known and it pains me so much that you don't see that for yourself. You deserve the world and if I could give it to you, I swear I would. And... you are loved. By myself as well as anyone who has ever known you, and as painfully jealous as that makes me... it's true."

I close my eyes as I feel a single, cold tear drip down my chin before falling and sinking into the denim fabric of my jeans.

"You mean everything to me, Lance. And... I don't think I could live without you." I purse my lips as I feel my breath hitch and voice begin to waver. "Please call me back."

I quickly end the call and throw my phone to the side before swiftly curling into a ball, pulling my knees tightly against my chest as I bury my face into my legs.

I may have just ruined the best thing to have ever happened to me. I may have just practically destroyed my life all because I couldn't keep my damn temper under control. I may have just truly made the biggest mistake of my entire life.

But I must fix it. I must reconcile for my atrocious wrongdoings and make it up to him. Then, absolutely nothing will stop me from winning back Lance's love once again. 

Aye, I'm getting slightly better at updating lol. Hope ya'll enjoyed!