Leila's life was simple as classical music when she surround herself with her loved ones and rhythm. Other than being criticized and likely bullied by the jocks and preps, Leila finds solace with one of the unexpected ones. Xander. They were very di...
~~~ "Everyone is different, Yet the same. Everyone is selfish, Yet selfless. Everyone is perfect, But they aren't you. ~~~
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HAVE you ever felt like you're running out of time?
Like everything is happening so fast and you can't keep your paces up just as fast as time?
Hi, I'm Leilani. Leilani Winslet. Ever since I became seventeen, my life has been running.
The sound of gossips and talks from the youngsters at hallways, the swishing sound of the vroom of the janitor ringing against your ears and the endless laughter. It's good to laugh, except to get laughed at.
I can't help but to feel my heart beats. Not because I'm about to see my first love walk on the hallways, but because I can't seem to find a way to get my focus on the present and just...do something. Anything. The feeling of it is...worse than feeling like you're in love with someone who can't love you back.
I've been diagnosed that I have anxiety disorder.
Which may seems like it's curable. Like, it will take only few minutes to manage myself on a position that could be able to gain at least one slight chance of confidence. But what they don't tell you is that you may feel like you're out of time than the so called, "It will take only few minutes."
I don't think that I remember a time when I used to be just...simple. Talk with other girls, vibe about dresses and stuff and boys. Not forgetting the sleepover as one of perks of having friends. The perks of not having any kind of obstacles in your way, such as any disorder.
I wonder how it feels, not having any kind of obstacles that makes you wanna be...you.
But I guess I'll never know that feeling.
I make circle on the middle of my right palm each time I get anxiety attack. It helps me...to stay calm. Like I'm settling all of the times I've wasted in a place so that I could take it and use it for better. But it's a stupid feeling. You can't just settle time for you by making circles in your palm, right?
But my mum told me that pointless things can help us feel better. Because if it's pointless, the result can't be bad. Which means you won't get any kind of heartache.
Or maybe she just explains it so well that it's hard for me to realize that pointless things is out of the list in the life of a teenager. A life for a girl like me.
Because I seem to get heartache each time I came to school. Every day. Me, being a pointless person seems to get me suffer through everything. If pointless things doesn't lead you to heartaches or bad endings- for me, it's a lie. A lie I've been living for the past seventeen years.
But I can't just say that to my mum that one of her life lessons seems to get me in a loads of trouble. I can suffer, but I can't anymore if my mum get a ting of thought that I'm suffering. I know I will break down. I know I will end up in a place with no chances to get out of my head. If I ever tell everything about this.
