Safe from Scars (COMPLETE)

9. Home Sweet Hell

The drive from Newport beach to Trisha's home was short. A quiet 30 minute drive as the boys fell asleep. I wish sleeping was as easy as burning energy then closing your eyes for me. I haven't been able to sleep in a long time. Nightmares from my childhood always find their way to me in the night.

The one with my mother, when she was so sweet and loving. Before she turned into a cowardly witch.

She'd sing me to sleep and give me bedtime kisses until I fell asleep. I remember those days so clearly. I could never forget.

Then there were the ones with Him. My real life boogeyman. Beating my mother to a bloody pulp then turning his drunken anger onto me. Running through the halls in terror trying to find a hiding place. His loud laugh echoing throughout the halls like a serial killer from a movie.

And then I dreamt about Ellie. Tea Parties with our little ceramic china. Playing dolls in the Barbie house my dad built, because we couldn't afford the real deal, but I loved this house more. Running around the backyard while my father chased me, then tossed me up into the air. I felt like I was flying; like I could touch the sun. Those dreams, I didn't mind.

I missed them so much.

We pulled onto a small street. Large green trees paved the way down the road. Cute one story houses lined the block. They were all so small, but there was something so sweet about them. Most of the front yards were covered in lush green grass and different colored fences. You don't see much of this in Sin City. We drove past a lavender colored house with a full garden of flowers and an enormous orange tree. And next to it was a forest green colored home with a white trim. There was a small swing set in the front yard. An elderly man sat on the porch, with a book in hand. He looked up from the reading glasses sitting on his wide nose, and waved to Trisha, before going back into his house.

"That is my neighbor. Mr. John Clemens. He's nearing 80, but doesn't act a day over 20." She chuckles and shakes her head. I can tell they are good friends.

"He was my saving grace when your Uncle Ely went. He brought frozen pizzas for weeks, and kept the boys busy while I hid away in my bedroom, unable to face the days without my husband. He bought that swing set for the boys and set it up in his yard the week after the funeral, and I loved him for it. He's got one of the purest, most kind hearts, if those even exist anymore." She parallel parks under a tree and finishes,

"I think you and John will enjoy each others company. You two are just alike." she smiles as I climb from the SUV.

I follow Trisha through a light yellow picket fence, up the path way. Her home reflected her personality instantly. I couldn't help but smile.

The one story was a baby blue color, with a white trim and tall white door. A small garden sat in the corner, but looked neglected. Of course Aunt Trisha thought she had a green thumb but said 'fuck it' when she couldn't get anything to grow. Her green grass was longer than anyone else's on the block, and covered in outdoor toys. A scooter, a tricycle, a kite lying across the pathway. She kicked it out of the way and led me up three steps. Elijah and Thomas went straight to playing, not even bothering to follow inside.

The house was small. So much smaller than that hell hole my mother called home. The front door went right into a small living area, and immediately noticed there was no TV. It sucks but it doesn't matter. I am just grateful for a place to be.

A tan colored sectional took up most of the space. And a single floor to ceiling window was a sliding door to opposite end of the house and backyard. The large window was covered in a Tan colored curtain. A short bookshelf sat in the place where a tv should have been. It was filled with books for both her and the boys. A small basket sat next to the shelf. It was full of shoes. I even noticed Uncle Ely's workboots still placed beside the basket, and I broke a little.

"When the boys were learning to crawl, we made it a habit to leave our shoes at the door. That way we weren't tracking in dirt." her voice trails off into sadness.

"That's not a problem for me, Aunt Trisha." I offer her a smile, and slip my converse off to place into the basket.

She smiles and leads me to the kitchen which was visible from the living area, only separated by a tiny darkwood dinning room table with four white chairs. The plain white granite counter tops were spotless and cleared of everything, but a coffee machine, and a small vase of white roses next to the sink. The cabinets were glass, with baby blue frames so you could see the plain white dishes. And a small window was just above the kitchen sink. Trish could see the boys playing in the yard from there. It was a nice touch.

The white walls were covered in white frames all around the house. Pictures of Trisha and the boys. Trisha and Ely's wedding. Some of my mom and dad. My grandparents. Some of me, at dance recitals, birthdays, and one of Trey and I at prom.

Trish didn't know him very well. Something tells me she wouldn't care much for him even if she got to know him better. She'd only met him once, but I know she put the photo up because of me. Trey, in a black tux, had his arm snaked around my waist and a black, elegant, mermaid style dress clung tightly to my body. I wasn't looking at the camera and my medium length brown hair covered a bit of my face. I was smiling at a joke Trish told right before she snapped the picture. Something about Trey looking like he was ready to propose right before prom. I had the happiest smile on my face while I blushed at the silly comment, knowing it would be the real deal someday. Trey was laughing, and holding me like I was his. My life still feels like a joke at the moment.

"Let me show you to your room." Trisha whispered in my ear to break me from the memory.

"I have a room? Trish, I don't mind crashing on the couch." I whined as she led me through a long hall.

"I know you weren't expecting me, and it was so sudden. I know it's only a two bedroom. The last thing I want to do is invade your space, and I know the boys need their space too. I don't mind sleeping.."

She shushed me, and pushed open a white door to reveal the room. A full sized bed, covered in blush pink linens and white throw pillows sat in the middle of the room. A white curtain waved back and fourth next to the window. There were no mirrors. I'm glad for that. I don't want to stare at myself for another couple years.

I noticed a small grey desk, with a single lamp on it. The walls were bare except a single white frame above the desk, holding a photo of my Dad and I, with Ellie clutched closely to my chest. I feel tears from to pools in my eyes.

"I thought this was the twins room? What happened to their cribs?" I manage to choke out before allowing my tears to fall. We were still standing in the doorway.

"Do you like it, Kali? I didn't know I was bringing you back, but Ely and I always wished she let you come. We wished she would let us take you." I knew it. I spent so much of my childhood believing that my Aunt and Uncle would swoop in and save me someday.

I couldn't speak. I was afraid of sobbing again today. So i just have her a good nod, and I swear I could hear her smile.

She stared blankly at that picture clinging to the wall.

"After your uncle Ely went, I couldn't sleep alone. I'd clutch his pillow tightly and scream into it, cursing the universe for taking the love of my life, and leaving me here alone. Eventually, Mr.Clemens made me realize that I was not alone. I had him, my dear friend and neighbor. I had your mother at one point even. I had my sons, and I had you. I cleared this room, and had the boys sleep with me since then. Nothing makes me feel closer to your Uncle Ely then having our sons in my arms at night. And having you here makes me feel even more complete."

She gave my hand a tight squeeze and whispered,

"You are not alone, Kali. As long as Me, Elijah, and Thomas are here, you will never be alone. Welcome home."

And she turned to join the boys out in the front yard. Leaving the front door wide open.

This was her home before Uncle Ely died.

Then it was her hell, but she smiles now like its home again.