Safe from Scars (COMPLETE)

33. Surprises

He never lets my hand go.
We drive into the night, the road ahead of us only lit up by the lights of his truck.
Everything  is replaying in my head. Every event. Every surprise. Every emotion.
From speaking with Trish one second, to
Carol Adams sobbing in my arms the next. Then
kissing Jo goodbye, not knowing if it would be the last time I'd see her. And Roman knocking Trey onto his ass.

That is one of my favorite memories, I have to admit. It's carved into my mind, permanently.
I thought I loved Trey, but I never actually did. I loved the idea of being in love. I loved the idea of not being alone, the idea of having someone to take on the world with me, someone to share my fears with, and who I thought could save me from my own life.

But it was a lie.

Trey was a liar. He was a manipulator. He was a bully, a womanizer, a predator.
And he deserved everything he got tonight.

I don't need to be saved from my life by anyone but myself, and that starts by loving myself, and drawing my lines.

"What are you smiling about over there."Roman's voice invades my thoughts. His expression curious, and eager.

"You" I whisper back.
He smiles.

I used to ask myself what wrongs have I written to deserve a life like this.
Why did the universe take my Ellie? Why did my Dad not want to be here? Why wasn't he strong enough to stay and fight with me? Why did my mom blame me? Why didn't she come to rescue while I hid away in my closet? Why did she hate me so much? Why did Trey choose me, just to hurt me in the end?

But I'm beginning to realize that nothing has been my fault. As much as I blamed Ellie and my dads death on myself, I was just a child, and it had nothing to do with me. My mother couldn't deal with life, but I could. And Trey, well he was just an asshole, and that had absolutely nothing to do with me.
I swore that this was my karma, but I'm starting to think it's bullshit.

And then I have Roman.
It's like he dropped from the sky, like my shooting star, fast and intense, setting my world on fire. He quickly became everything I needed, when I didn't know I needed it.

My head leans against the window, as I gaze up to the stars.
I've always been in love with the night sky, the moon and the stars. The way they compliment one another perfectly. The way they make just enough light for the other to shine too.

Sometimes I feel like the stars are watching over me, and the moon gives me advice. I think that's why I'm always looking to them, when I feel lost. I find direction in the sky. It comforts me to know, no matter what happens in my life, the moon and stars will always be true.

I like to think that Ellie is apart of my night sky. She's a star, up there, watching over me.

Roman insists on driving the whole way back to California. His blinks slow, and he yawns every five minutes, but I think he's one of those guys who gets weird about other people driving his car, so I stop trying.
The car is dark, only the blue radio lights illuminate the space between us.

It's so insane to think just a couple hours ago, the sleepy guardian angel next to me was smashing Trey Weston's face with his bare hands, in my honor. Being with Roman makes me feel so safe, so hopeful.
He looks so peaceful, focused on the road a head.
I love the way his cheekbones sit high, and his lips are always pressed into a straight line when he's thinking. He rakes his fingers through his wavy brown hair, and yawns again.

"Please, pull over Roman." I beg in my whiniest voice and he shakes his head quickly like a toddler in tantrum.

"You get some sleep." He demands.
So stubborn.