Virgin Sins | Harry Styles

The Sins Of A Virgin

Waking up is no longer the pleasure it was. There is a fleeting moment when she is whole again but it evaporates faster than the life of a dying fly. By the time Nina's awake, her brain has already become overwhelmed all over again as if her wounds were all new, fresh, raw. She wishes she could linger in that blissful ignorance forever, or instead never awaken again.

As she sits up, she is first aware of the coolness to the air and it's loamy fragrance. Shedding herself off the remaining glimpses of a nightmare, Nina's eyes were still shut as she soaked in the warmth of her covers before letting her green eyes see the gloomy rays that snuck pass her curtains. It was raining again.

Slowly but surely, she pushed herself out of bed, letting her feet hit the cold hardwood floor. As she walks down the hallway, she can hear Mary's light footsteps in her office. Predictable. Making her way to the kitchen, she is met with only the company of herself. The house had a linger of sorrow that performed ballet through the air.

She can't remember the last time she ate so she made toast, not bothering to put a spread on the top. She feels bland and meek, her taste buds won't know any different.

As she leaned against the kitchen counter, her food resembled cardboard. No amount of chewing made it possible to swallow. Nina's mouth is dryer than a sandbox in summer and her chews were the only thing she could hear, they made her ears wince with every bite.

Nina eventually grows frustrated with her loud chews and throws the rest of the toast into the trashcan with a huff. When the noise had stopped, she could hear the television playing softly in the lounge room.

The sad, hunched over figure of her brother sat on the edge of the couch, watching the horrific pictures that began to display upon the screen. Grayson's hands hung limply over his knees, his eyes were red and threatened with tears. When Nina enters the room, he pays her no attention and she doesn't say anything either. She stood to the side of the room and crosses her arms over her torso protectively as she looks to the television too.

The news rolls over her like an old army tank, slow and painful, carrying on as if nothing happened. There is not a single thing she can do to stop the reporters words, she just has to listen to them and all of it makes her feel like mush.  When Jessica's cheery, school photo was displayed next to Sophia's, Grayson had enough and stood up from his place on the couch, his heavy footsteps carrying him out of the room.

When he passed Nina's timid fame, he mumbles, "I need some air." And, leaves the house with a loud thrash of the front-door closing behind him.

Nina looks back to the screen and watches the way Jessica's smile faded into another. Ben Walters' cheeky grin mocks her, sending shivers down her spine. She grabs the television remote that sat on the end of the couch and turns the screen off with a loud click; Her mind turning comfortably blank once more.

Apathy washes over Nina's mind like heavy rain-water, pushing her to the ground and only letting in some pocket of air to breathe. Under the dark skies there is nothing else that matters, nothing significant or worthy of her time. Everything she could do is worthless, her life doesn't belong to her anymore. She is thankful only for the fact that Grayson will live.

The hallway clock ticks loudly overtime, wether she moves or not, time still passes her by. Her sadness is like a void. A dark void. A never ending dark void that consumes everything, till Nina is left feeling nothing. She is empty.

Every muscle in her was slouched, no doubt even her heart was beating slowly. She had set her eyes dead ahead onto her reflection that was displayed on the black screen of the television. Mesmerised by every minute that passed her by, she could see her eyes slowly losing their shine, their purpose.