Dear journal,
Today I woke up at exactly seven thirty as I do everyday, I made my bed twice, brushed my teeth three times and combed my hair twice. Same as any morning. I made my way down stairs remembering to start with my right foot and to skip the last step. I made my way into the kitchen and turned the lights on and off, on and off, on and off three times. I poured my usual cereal into the same bowl. Exactly fifty pieces. Poured two cups of milk and ate peacefully. Mother came into the kitchen ruffling my hair and passing me four colored pills. Two blue and two green.
On my way to school this morning yesterdays events kept replaying over and over again in my head. I could feel myself blush in embarrassment every time I thought about how I sobbed like a child into his strong arms. Good thing it was colder outside today, I could hide my blush underneath my scarf. It was colder than usual today, not just any ordinary cold day. It was as if hell it's self had frozen over. The leafs were just about gone from all the trees and the scenery had turned to a grayish brown theme where the skeletal trees gave of a gloomy feeling. Personally I couldn't wait until it snowed, I loved being able to look out into the world around me and see nothing but white around me, it filled me with an sense of peace. Must be an ocd thing.
When I got to first period I found Justin was already there as usual. I had pretty much gotten used to seeing him there before me. I studied him as I got closer. His hair was once again neatly placed, his face was deep in thought and one of his eyebrows was held up a bit higher than the other. He wore a dark blue hoodie and black jeans this time. Same shoes as always. There was something different though. I couldn't exactly pin point it, maybe something in his expression tipped me off. Or maybe the aura around him.
"Hey." He said, grinning as I approached.
"Hi." I placed my binder on my desk. "So are you telling me today?"
His grin faded. "Yeah, today at lunch alright? Band room."
"Alright."
"Hey Alister? Keep an open mind ok?"
"Uh...Yeah, sure." I stared in confusion.
And with that he turned around and waited for class to start.
Something was clearly bothering him. Was the knowledge I still had yet to comprehend that bad? He could handle my fits of hysteria yet the moment I bring up the subject he looks at me like I would desert him just like that. This boy was the first person to ever treat me like I was normal. Not even my own family could do that, everyone always treats me like a time bomb waiting to explode. It's like I've got a "Caution" sign strapped to my back twenty four seven. No matter how bad the truth was there was no way I was leaving this guy. To many have walked out of my life and I won't sink down to their level and walk out of his.
To someone who always keeps track of time, time seemed different today. Painfully slow. Like every minuet seemed to triple it's worth. I kept staring at the back of Justin's head and back at the clock, the second hand seemed to mock me with each second, purposely dragging them out knowing it would drive me insane. I've never wanted time to go faster than I did now.
With every suffocating minuet first period eventually passed. Feeling a tad bit more relieved I rushed of to art class. He promised he would show me.
Counting the titles on the floor on the way to my locker I was tripped by Tommy.
I managed to catch myself but my heart rate immediately sped up, and not in the good way. Tommy had finally caught up to me I could only imagine what consequences I would pay for last time.
"Hey freak. Come to the washroom at third period. If not Justin gets it. Bring anyone or tell anyone and you loose an eye. Clear?"
My blood ran cold again. Why would they use him against me? Did he know that Justin and I had become close? He couldn't possibly. What ever the reason was I couldn't take any chances and let them hurt him. What was with everyone always giving people like us a hard time? They always take broken people and break them further making it nearly impossible for us to heal. Anger flared inside me, why couldn't they just leave us alone? What sick pleasure did they get from doing this to us?
