NEVER FORGET YOU | 2

Chapter Seventeen

C H A P T E R - S E V E N T E E N

Song- I like me better, Lauv.
(Well, I just love this song. I thought I should share with you guys.)

Ask me what my favourite colour is and I'll describe the colour of his eyes. Ask me what my favourite sound is and I'll explain how his voice is the song that I'll never get tired of. Ask me where my home is and I'll tell you about how it feels to be in his arms. Ask me about what makes me happy and I'll tell you about how I can't stop smiling when I look at him. Ask me what love is and I'll just say his name.

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It sucks, doesn't it? Having someone, but not having at all. Being with them every day and every night, but knowing that they'll never be yours. So close, but yet so far. It's the worst feeling, cause all you can do is dream about and wish for them, but can never have them. Just like I can never have you...

That's the irony.

You are here with me, but not for sure.
You touch me, but not at all. My insane mind is again having crazy thoughts while I stood under the steaming hot water.

From last two nights me and Amaan are sleeping together, sharing same bed. Well, it should be three nights, but I'll not count the first time because I don't remember that night.

But just because we are sleeping together that doesn't mean something happened between us. Yesterday morning when I woke up, I was expecting to be wrapped in his warm embrace just like the first time, but nothing like that happened. I was alone on the bed when I open my eyes. He was already awake and was out of the room. Same happened today morning as well. He was again not in the bed with me.

Sleeping together should have been a big step forward in this no name relationship of ours, but to me, it feels like we are two steps behind from where we were before. The only good thing is atleast I'm getting some peaceful sleep because of him.

I close the faucet off before stepping out of the shower area and wrap the white fluffy towel around my body. The whole glass walls of the shower room is filled with steam. Even the mirror is fogged with steam as I stand opposite to it and stare at my blurred reflection.

Am I not appealing anymore? I question myself after I rub the steam off of the mirror. I then let the towel drop to the ground and I look at my naked self in front of the mirror.

Doesn't he wants me anymore? I don't think he do. It doesn't feels like. Even when we sleep together, we don't sleep together at all. Even when he hold me to sleep, it's doesn't feels like he is, not the way I want him to.

He told me he don't hate me, but he didn't tell me he wants me either. How will I know if he wants me or not? What's going in his mind? Doesn't he feel something when we sleep into each other's embrace, even sharing same comforter?

But the way he holds me in his sleep, so close to him, I feels like I'm the reason of his living. Isn't it enough to prove that he still want me to be a part of his life? This time the sane part of my mind tries to reason out.

But what if he hold me just out of sympathy. He know I'm having trouble in sleeping, and he knows about my nightmares. Maybe he just pity me, and it was me who went to him first. Maybe he didn't wanted to turn me down. That's why he let me sleep with him.

When we are out of bed and are doing something together like preparing food or even at work, he never made eye contact with me. He don't ignore me, but he doesn't give attention to me either. He just acts so weird around me. Like he doesn't care about our sleeping arrangements, or anything related to us. I don't want to accept but I feel hurt. I feel rejected.