NEVER FORGET YOU | 2

Chapter Eighteen

C H A P T E R - E I G H T E E N

Song- Crazier, Taylor Swift.

I wanted him in the bluntest way. I wanted his lips, his hands, his arms. I wanted him the way ocean wants the shore, constantly reaching and running back. I wanted him the way rain wants to fall, the way the sun wants to shine, the way words want to be read. I wanted him to infinity, to the millionth degree, no amount of rain could douse the fire I had in me for him.

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Why do I confuse him? Good question. Valid question. A very good valid question. But the thing is, I don't even know the answer myself, then what am I supposed to answer him?

I'm way too confused past few days, by my own unpredictable behaviour. I want to push him away. I have to push him away, but my actions says otherwise. My mind is not working properly. Specially not when every inch of him is touching every inch of me. His now heavy blue eyes are buring, staring deep into mine. And that thick bulge of his erection which is pressed against my belly, is very... distracting. The thought of having that... well, his hard thing inside me makes me feel overwhelmed, but I don't know in good way or bad.

I haven't even realise he has stepped away from me and has already walked around to take his seat inside the car like nothing had happened. Like he did not just cornered me out of nowhere then back off, leaving me stunned and standing like a dumb against the side of the car.

Gripping the door handle of the car, I tries to take control over my irregular breathing, which seems a really difficult task at that moment.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Yeah... Very difficult.

I open my side of door when I feel I'm somewhat breathing normally, and climb inside the car as well, desperately avoiding looking at his beautiful but stoned face. He too didn't say anything as he start the engine and then we are heading for the not so busy roads of Dehradun.

My mind again drifting off to the lane of crazy thoughts. Thoughts, that I don't even know why are they coming inside my head? Thoughts about me and Amaan doing it. Having sex.

I'm not unfamiliar to sex. Shawn had forced me too many time to have sex with him, but none of them were pleasurable. Not even once. I wonder if it's going to be same with Amaan? Not that I know Amaan is ever going to force me for anything.

I look at him with the corner of my eyes. His eyes are fix at his front while he moves the steering wheel gracefully in his hold. The radio is playing lightly on the advanced music system of the SUV with a guy giving Love advice to his listeners. I didn't focus much on that RJ's voice. I keep my focus of the guy who is sitting beside me. This guy has so many chances to do something with me if he wanted. Specially when I was drunk. Though I don't remember anything from that night, but what I know is that he'll never make me do something, or force me to do something that I don't want. I don't know why but, I just know. Forget forcing me for anything, he don't even touch me without my consent. Okay... there were exceptions, but nothing that I never wanted.

In future, just for one percent, if I ever get a chance to actually have sex with Amaan, will I enjoy it? Like Kristen said I would. Even the idea of enjoying sex with anyone seems foreign to me. And I should stop saying sex again and again.

I had tried doing this before, to pretend. With Shawn. I honestly did. When I had accepted my fate that this is how it is going to be. With him. I thought maybe I should just accept it. It will be way more easy if I just accept him, for both of us. Maybe he'll stop hurting me then. Maybe this torture will come to an end. But it never did.