liar (shizaya)

Chapter 11: Almost

Why didn't you just die?

. . .

Izaya opened his eyes, finally waking up from his 3 day nap.

He felt horrible. His head was aching and he felt so numb.

He tried recalling the past event, but everything was a blur to him. All he remembered was he was at his place working.

Or so he thought.

His eyes wondered around the room, quickly recognizing the room was one of Shinras guest rooms.

He heard footsteps coming close to the room as the door opened, revealing the man who saved his life.

"Izaya! You're awake."

"......Why am I here?"

"You don't remember?"

He shook his head, "Did I pass out?"

"Somewhat,"

Shinra took a deep breathe, "You overdosed on heroin. You nearly died, but you were able to call me for help."

Ah.

Now he remembered what happened,

What happened that very night,

The night that he was supposed to die.

"How long was I out?"

"About 3 days."

"..........."

"When did this start?"

"Don't know..Maybe a month or two ago?"

"........"

"Are you doing this because of Shizuo?"

Izaya flinched, "Shizu-chan? What does he have to do with my decision?"

Shinra grinned, "I don't know, you tell me,"

"He found a girlfriend. He said she's russian and he thinks 'she's the one'. I'm proud of him."

Izaya felt like a knife stabbed through his heart.

Why was Shinra doing this to him?

"Oh really? Who knew someone would actually like that monster..."

"You do,"

Izaya forced out a laugh, "Who told you that joke?"

" 'You make me feel weird' What kind of confession is that?" Shinra joked, ignoring Izayas question.

Izaya figured Shinra was teasing him about his fail of confessing his feelings.

He wouldn't blame him.

"That was all a joke! I was just playing around with Shizu-chan!" He lied.

"You can't deny your feelings, Izaya. It's alright to like Shizuo, even though he has a girlfriend, but maybe you guys can always be friends! Friend with benefits! And-"

And then Izaya cracked.

"Shut up already! You know we can't be friends, Shinra. He hates me, he can't even stand looking at me! And it fucking hurts-"

"Izaya-"

"I'm leaving."

Izaya got up and grabbed his jacket, rushing outside.

"Izaya wait-"

"Leave me alone!"

He slammed the door shut, quickly leaving Shinra's place so he could just go home and try to forget everything.

To forget he had feelings.

To forget he was human.

...

He got home, practically running over to his desk, where the box was.

He searched for the box, but it was nowhere to be found.

"Shit!"

Shinra probably took it.

Izaya sighed. He didn't feel like walking to Shiki so he could give him some more.

So now what?

He desperately needed it.

One day without it is okay, right?

Right..

He entered the restroom and observed himself in the mirror.

He noticed how pale he was. He noticed how dark his eye bags were. He noticed how messy his hair was.

He noticed how ugly he was.

He noticed how disgusting he was.

Tears slowly made their way down his cheeks.

Now wonder Shizuo doesn't like him.

Now wonder nobody likes him.

He laid on the bathroom floor, trembling, thin arms wrapped around him which were no other than his own arms.

It felt comfortable.

It was almost as if he wasn't alone.

Almost as if it were Shizuo.

Almost.

. . .

There's nothing worth living for.

——

{ This is kind of a crappy chapter but oh well. I wrote this at 4AM :) }