Caffeine [July Nanowrimo]

ten; finality

a/n: my characters are not perfect, nor were they supposed to be. I do not agree with some of the things that they do, but they are things that many people deal with on a day to day basis.

“How could you do this?” The conversation between my parents screeched to a halt the minute they heard my shriek followed closely by a bang from the door. I saw my mother’s shocked expression as she winced at the loud noises. My father had a more neutral expression and I knew his diplomatic side was slowly emerging from its lair.

It was like the calm before the storm. So beautifully painful.

Anger eluded my conscience and actions the minute I found out the truth.

My father knew. Not only that, he was the one that separated my brother and I.

After Derrick relayed this particular information to me, I couldn’t think of anything else and the next thing I knew, I was in front of my doorstep.

I shook out of my pause and scrutinized my parents, especially my mother. Was she aware? Or did father play out all of us?

“You took Jake away from me.” It came out harsher than I expected and it was then I realized how deep my anger ran. Shock scarred both my parents’ faces at my spat. The faces paled and fear crept in their eyes. I could almost see the cogs working in their heads, trying to figure out a way out of this.

It disgusted me.

“Honey, you don’t understand-“ I cut him off with another loud scream that reverberated throughout the hall.

“Don’t you dare say that! Don’t you dare say that I don’t understand! I know, okay, I know about his feelings and you know what? It was no thanks to you!”

“He was going to admit it!” Mother exclaimed, catching me by surprise. So she did know.

It broke my heart that mother was in this whole thing. I had always thought of her as a noble woman even if she was a tad judgmental. Obviously, I was wrong.

I gave her a glare that was so harsh that if looks could kill, she would be in our family cemetery right now. Anger was boiling inside of me and it was at this moment, I truly realized how important Jake had –is to me.

“He wasn’t, and even if he did, would it matter?” Do I look like someone who can’t grow a backbone?

“Yes, he was. I know my son-“

“He is not your son, mother,” I hissed out. “He deserves so much better than you.”

Hurt painted her expression and for the first time, a sick stun of pleasure rip through me.

It made me hate how my parents brought out the worst in me.

“As I said, I know Jake,” she continued, trying to pretend as if nothing happened. We all knew it was otherwise; it was blatantly obvious at the glassy eyes.

It was also the first time I realized how much Jake’s death haunted her and a twinge of guilt pinched me at my words.

“H-He has never been good with keeping emotions and feelings bottled up. To you, it may have been sibling love, but we know better. He wasn’t doing it out of love, he was doing it because he was in love. At some point, he was going to blow up.”

As much as I tried to ignore it, I could hear the desperation in her tone for me to try to understand her perspective. I desperately wanted but at that point, at that moment, I was beyond the brink of rationality. I was too upset and distraught that I just couldn’t care.

All I could think of was how I no longer have Jake.

 It struck me that father had kept mum the whole time and it was mother that was trying to justify the incident.