A walk to remember-G.D.

43

Alia
I sigh watching the twins get ready for work knowing I'll be by myself, Grayson's dad said that we would have to move out tomorrow since the weekend would be starting. I'm lucky though I don't have work until Monday so I get the whole weekend off. I turn towards Micah with a big smile "What should we do?" I raise a brow at him "We could talk, then watch some movies with snacks. It's gonna rain soon rainy days are the best for binge watching movies" he grins running up the stairs to my room.

I quickly chase after him but he stops at the door way "New sheets perhaps" he turns towards me scratching the back of his neck "Uhm y-yeah sorry" I awkwardly pull the dirty cum shot sheets off wrapping them in a ball "We could always sit in the living room, Lisa won't be home till later" I state taking the sheets to the laundry room throwing them in the washer "So, you really do like Grayson" Micah says as I sit down on the couch.

He looks through the movies on Netflix "Yes, I do I like him a lot. He makes me so happy he brought me up when I was down" I honestly say "I don't make you happy, I didn't bring you up when you were down?" He almost sounds hurt, obviously he's helped me and made me happy but he left this is my first time seeing him in a few months he never called ,if I called he would just say I'll call you back later I'm busy working which of course I understand but you still have to make time for your bestfriend even if you are miles apart.

I look over at him "Yes you make me happy, and of course you help me when I'm down but mic you don't even call me when you are down in Indiana" he scoffs looking at me in disbelief "I do you never answer" I shake my head at him "Stop putting the blame on me, this is all on you. You don't answer and when you do 'Oh I'm busy let me call you back later' you never call me back" I use my best boy voice to impersonate him "I love you Micah, but it seems like I'm the only one that's putting effort in on our friendship" I hold my chest as he looks down at the ground.

I put my hand on his warm arm, he looks over at me his bluish green eyes are watering up with tears "You think I wanted to move?! No I didn't want to leave you I'm fucking in love with you Alia and you push me to the side like I'm nothing! I tried gaining your love and lust but no I'm not enough you know how hard it was to hear you moan Grayson's name earlier you really think that I was okay with that!?" He shouts at me making me get chills "I wanted to be in Grayson's place plenty of times, but you never gave me a chance! You gave Ethan a chance but no not me" his voice cracks making me feel bad.

I should've looked at everything from his point of view not just mine, he has feelings but I was so worried about mine that I paid no attention to his "Mic-" he cuts me off "No, I don't want your pity love or sorry's' I don't want you to now start giving me attention just because I poured my feelings out to you. All I ever wanted was to be able to call you mine, I was able to do the for a while with out you putting any notice to it but the twins came in the mix and everything changed" I feel tears well up in my eyes.

I go to grab his hand but he pulls away "Micah, please" he shakes his head "Not only did I get hurt from you falling for Grayson but I also lost my bestfriend-" I cut him off "No you didn't lose me" I cry to him but he smacks his lips at me "You don't even care, it doesn't matter to you I'm the one that's in love with you not the other way around so why should it matter? You have Grayson" he ends his sentence slowly, if he would've told me how he felt years ago he wouldn't be in this situation right now.

I sigh "You should have said something years ago" I say "No, I shouldn't have to say something you didn't notice how I was with you?! I use to hold you and kiss your head all the time did you not see how fucking angry I got when you were around other guys? It's not like I can do anything about it now you are with Grayson I can't stop you from being with him the only thing I can do is grieve in the corner as you two kiss up on each other" he exclaims throwing his hands in the air.

I gasp putting my hand over my mouth "I just want to be able to call you mine, call you my girlfriend you call me your boyfriend. But how could I get that title when someone else has it" he gets up putting his shoes on grabbing his jacket zipping it up "It's raining where are you going?" He walks out I chase after him letting the rain pour on us "How can you do this to me? Just come out of no where making me feel bad?" I shout over the rain hitting the ground "Go home your gonna get sick" he explains pointing towards the door I shake my head grabbing him pulling him in my arms "Don't act like that" I whisper crying he pulls away pushing me slightly "You got what you wanted" he says walking away.

I grab his arm again "Micah, I love you just because I'm not in love with you doesn't mean you have the right to push me away. Learn to put your feelings to the side, I see you as a bestfriend, a brother I can't see you as anything more than that" I explain he bites his lips nodding "That's exactly why we can't be friends!" He yells scaring me he runs his hands through his wet hair "I can't be friends with you, I can't look at you with out wanting to grab you and kiss you all day, I can't look at you when you get undressed in front of me it makes me want you in so many ways, in ways that normal bestfriends wouldn't think about" he expresses.

He looks over to the road where the cars lights are flashing him in the face "I can't be friends with you Alia, you don't feel the same way that's fine but I'm just sitting here bringing heart break on myself by waiting on you when you aren't gonna be mine" he rubs his face, I'm more than confused right now I don't know how to feel "Micah please don't-" I grab him but he pulls away "Just delete my number, I'm happy for you Grayson makes you happy. That's all I ever want for you, I just want you to be happy" he walks away from me leaving me there.

I throw my hands in the air "So this is it?!" I scream out in anger and sadness "This was bound to happen, I'm in love with you but you are in love with Grayson we can't work. I'm going home just remember what I told you, until next time" he shouts back getting further and further away from me. I fall to the wet ground balling my eyes out how could he do this to me? How can he leave me. I feel a hand on my shoulder making me turn "Sweetie it's cold why are you out here?" Lisa's soothing voice asks I shrug wiping my tears "Let's go in honey" she pulls me up taking me inside.

I walk upstairs grabbing some black shorts with a yellow shirt that says live like there's no tomorrow in small black letters. I walk in the bathroom, I grab the razor pulling all my clothes off my body. I sit down on the toilet, I put the razor to my thigh cutting new cuts and going over the old ones. I feel tears stroll down my cheeks as I think of Micah. I should have known he likes me; well is in love with me. I don't want to lose him I love him, he's my bestfriend he's been in my life so long how can he up and leave with out caring; it blows my mind.

I put the razor back hopping in the shower; crying. What happened isn't setting in my mind right it doesn't make sense, if he would have said something earlier on then maybe we could've been something but I have Grayson and I honestly am in love with him everything about him is fucking amazing. Micah will forever be my bestfriend but he can't be more than that, it simply wouldn't work in the end it would just ruin our friendship.

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