When I Fell For You

Where Are You Lost?

Arthit’s P.O.V.

“Are you out of your mind?! He’s leaving Arthit!” Knot shouted for what felt like the tenth time now.

“I don’t own him, Knot, he has the right to stay or leave.” I said while my eyes were focused on tying my shoe lace.


“You love him. How can you let this happen?” Knot seemed on a verge of a breakdown by just watching me trying to move on.


I ignored him while I picked up my bag and stood up to leave for the class.


“Arthit… you’ll lose him.” He said while trailing behind.


I was silent, I wanted to tell him how much it was breaking me…

“You just broke up! Arthit! This is the last thing-”

“We didn’t break up! We were never a thing to start with! Out of all people, atleast you should know that!” I finally shouted back as he fell silent.

“But-”


“I don’t want to hear anything, Knot.” I stated sternly.


“You’re an idiot.”

“I know that.” I rolled my eyes as we headed ahead.

“Atleast let’s go to the canteen, Kong is giving a little farewell treat before he leaves.” He said.

I felt my hands turning cold.


“You should go-”

Before I could speak further Knot had grabbed my arm and started to drag me along anyway.

***

“Thank you, I didn’t think you would come as well, but I'm glad.” Kong said as I sat across from him, around the group of our friends, all looking a bit sad but happy for Kong to being able to pursue what he wanted.


I tried to nod, unable to meet his eyes while looking down at my clenched fists.

Why was I letting this happen to me?


After this meal, after this little round of smiles and laughter… he’ll be gone.

And I'll be here, regretting everything.

Why did I need to fall for him out of all the people?


Why him?

Why me?

“Where are you lost?”

I was pulled back from my thoughts to face Kong who seemed a little too happy, as if he had altogether given up on everything and was just giving our whole situation the closure.



“Thank you for the coffee and food the other day, I really liked it.” Kong said.


“So, I hope you’ll come visit us here sometime.” Wad was the one to interrupt us and I took a sigh of relief while leaning back on my chair and just looking at Kong trying to talk to everyone around, the way he smiled… I didn’t know when I had started to pick on the fact that he was just faking the smile despite how bright it seemed, the sparkle of his eyes was dull, and I was at fault for all the mess.

My insecurities and fears pulled me back even before I could take a step, and I was a victim to my own cage of self loathing, the presence and absence of Kong will not make a difference here, my life was a mess before and it’ll be a mess after him.

After him.

He was here, he’ll be leaving…. Nothing else would change…. Yet nothing will be the same.


If he knew, if he only knew how much I liked to be around him.

How much I'll miss him… his scent of something so fresh that reminded me of the morning dew, his neat and gelled hair and his crisp uniform like he was a prince, his smile and the look of desire and yearning for nothing but me, his warm voice that reflected nothing but a promise of eternal love and friendship.

How will I survive if he goes?

I wanted to tell him so much, I wanted to tell him that I had dreamed of him before he entered in my life, I wanted to tell him I had never loved someone so much that I felt like giving up everything just for him.