Out From Hiding

Being Held

A n t h o n y

            I didn't expect Lin to be so torn up over something intimate that we shared and both consented to. I thought he knew that I loved it and (a/n 10 out of 10 would recommend lmao) would do it with him again.
              I should've checked on him, he's an artist so he overthinks things. That's the way artists are most of the time and especially him. I guess sometimes we are so desensitized to the way we feel that we don't realize others may not see it that way.
"I'm sorry." Lin starts crying again and grips my shirt as we take an almost empty subway to my apartment.
"You did nothing wrong, don't apologize." I whisper because I wasn't about people recognizing us and posting about Lin being distraught.
"It's just, I didn't know what was going on and-" he sniffles and rubs his eyes. I pull him closer to me.
"What has you worried? Was is the thing we did or the Philip thing?" I ask him as quietly as possible.
"I'm over the first thing," Lin starts and then sneezes and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
"The Philip thing scared me." He admitted and and looked away.
"Don't be embarrassed about your emotions, every single one is valid through and through." I'm not as good at reassuring people as he is but I can try.
"I'm so thirsty." He croaks and touches his neck.
"We are ask almost there and I'll make you some tea." I promise him.
"Ok" he sounds so small and defeated, not the guy I met all those years ago (a/n what was it 85.? That poor man)

AT ANTHONYS APARTMENT THING IN BROOKLYN

            "Lin, do you remember where it is?" I ask him as we get off the subway.
"Yeah, hold my hand." I don't have time to be flustered as he wraps his fingers between mine and snuggles towards me.

           "Ok" I whisper under my breath so my brain knows that I'm not scared, because my heart is beating straight out of my chest. We stumble to my apartment and I unlock the door swiftly.
"Can I sit somewhere?" He asks sounding shy.
"Anywhere you feel would be comfortable." I responded and cringed, I'm turning into my mom.

          Lin plops down on the kitchen floor and puts his back on the fridge. I shake my head, only Lin. I fix him up some tea and wait for it to cool before I gave it to him. Lin was in a fragile mindset and I didn't want him to accidentally burn (a/n YOU FORFEIT ALL RIGHTS TO MY HEART) himself.

                 Lin sat patiently in silence, probably thinking of lyrics as he does no matter what's going on.  Once the tea was almost cool I decided to put some honey into it because it's really good for the throat. 
"Here you go , tell me if it needs more honey" I tell Lin and hand him the mug of tea.  Lin clumsily slurps some of it and it drips down his chin.  He didn't say anything for long enough that I thought he needed another prompt.
"Is it okay?" I ask him softly, wondering how it got to this point.  Lin just nods and sips on the tea.  He was so adorable.
"Want to sit somewhere more comfortable?" I ask him and he shrugs.  I for one knew how often I cleaned that floor so I gripped his arm and pulled him with me to the couch.  I sat like a normal person does on a couch but Lin (my little snowflake) sat cross-legged for some reason.
"Can you please talk to me?" I ask him, I need to hear what he's feeling so I know how to comfort him.
"I don't know what's going on." Lin says weakly, his head hanging down.
"I'm alive , really hear me speak. I'm here and I'm with you." I say and Lin tries to meet my gaze but barely lifts his head.
"I know, but I'm scared." He says that and I finally understand that he's having a panic attack for real. He knows that I'm alive but his body is reacting like I'm not and it's affecting him.
"Oh baby." I say in realisation and pull him into my lap.
"What?" Lin asks , alarmed at the change in my demeanour.
"You are having a panic attack ." I say quietly and rub his sides.
"I know" he tells me and I feel stupid.
"Let me take care of you, I'm gonna braid your hair."
Lin seems to relax so I hold him tighter and shift his position so I can braid his hair. If I wasn't a bottom , I would be really turned on by this but alas I'm not the biggest fan of someone sitting on my dick. I take a scrunchie off of my wrist and start separating his hair into three sections.
"Make sure it's really even" He whispers and I nod. He's so hecking adorable.
"I will, just for you" I assure him and start braiding his hair making sure not to tug because it's easy to get a headache during a panic attack.
Lins hair isn't that long (a/n but his ..never mind) so I finish pretty fast.
"Can you sing me something?" He asks me and I blush, this feels so romantic to me.
"Of course, what song?" I respond and change his position again so my leg doesn't fall asleep.
"Your audition song" Lin says, casually as if it isn't a difficult song for me.
"My god" I whisper.
"I know you can do it, I've heard it at least twice and it was beautiful." He says and I give in to his cute face.
"What you don't understand is I'll catch a grenade for ya" I start singing and it's a little scratchy but I'm trying my best, it's been years since that was my audition song and my voice has matured at least a little.
"Your voice is so pretty." He says and then passes out. I freak out for 3 seconds until I realize he just falls asleep really easily and he was just sleeping. Aw. Lin is really just a full-grown toddler. Now I have to figure out how to get up because I really have to use the bathroom.