Autoimmune: This Is My Story

Appointment

The first appointment with my consultant was an eye opening one. After I told her of the symptoms I had been experiencing and the backstory about how I thought I may have had coeliac disease, she told me to start eating gluten again and she'd book an endoscopy test to either confirm or eliminate it. She told me that they had found an antibody in my blood that seemed to be attacking my liver and that she would be trying to figure out what it was. 

I nodded and she then asked me if there was a history of autoimmune diseases in my family. I looked to my mother and we then began to recite a long list of illnesses that various relatives of mine have. We listed off diabetes, coeliac disease, asthma, rheumatoid arthritis and hypothyroidism to name a few. 

What surprised me then was the consultant asked me if I've been getting any joint pain. I looked at her, perplexed and found myself nodding in response. Joint pain is something I've had for years. It was worst in my knees and my neck, and I always thought that was just normal. Well, normal for me anyway. But, her having asked me that made me consider that there was a connection to that and whatever was going wrong with me internally. 

She also asked if there was any history of liver problems within the family. We shook our heads. As far as we knew, there wasn't. Leading me to wonder how I had developed problems with my liver. As addressed in the next few questions she asked me, I found myself thinking about what I could've done to provoke a liver condition. I hadn't been one of those people to go and abuse their body with drug misuse. I had never drank excessively. Unlike most people I know, if I had to count using my fingers, the amount of drinks I've ever had in my lifetime, I can guarantee I'd be able to keep it to one hand. I've also never smoked, so I was very confused when she told me that she suspected I had a liver disease, when there were didn't seem to be any genetic factors at play either. 

I was told that we'd have to wait and see the results of the endoscopy before she could proceed further with different tests. She informed me she may end up performing a liver ultrasound scan, and if it came to it, a liver biopsy. I said okay, I said if it had to be done, then I didn't mind, as long as we could get to the bottom of what was making me so ill. But, underneath it all, I was terrified. Taking into account my constant belching. she believed there was a small chance that I could've been suffering from something known as the helicobacter virus, especially given that my father suffered from it when he was my age. She prescribed me the course of medication used to treat it to see if it would take effect. 

When I arrived home, I couldn't stop thinking about what it could've been. I opened my phone and punched in autoimmune liver disease. The first one that came up was Autoimmune Hepatitis. I clicked into it. The website told me that it is caused due to unknown genetic and or environmental factors. I looked through the list of symptoms. Most of them applied to me; fatigue, abdominal swelling, jaundice, which, when I thought about it, I was born with. There was also itchiness, loss of appetite, nausea, joint pain, the list went on. One thing that didn't show up on the list was the agonizing belching. I was then wondering if that was a symptom not associated with that illness and if I perhaps had another disease of the liver, seen as I was experiencing a lot of the other symptoms. I considered that maybe it was the helicobacter virus and my medication would soon relieve me of my pain. 

However, I didn't want to cross any possibilities off the list. I wanted to remain open minded. Next, I searched liver diseases. There was a long list of them. I ended up eliminating some of them as possible illnesses I could have, due to the age bracket they affect. Some were brought on by alcohol abuse. Some affected newborns only. The only autoimmune disease on the internet I managed to find a considerable amount of information on was Autoimmune Hepatitis. My mind then started to entertain the frightening possibility that I could possibly be facing another illness on the list, which jumped out at me. Liver cancer. I was terrified and I tried not to let it show. I didn't want to be labelled as a hypochondriac trying to self diagnose myself from the internet, which isn't what I was trying to do. I was just trying to gain as much information about liver disease as I could and face the reality in terms of what I could've been facing. 

I returned to school and got into practicing for the upcoming school mass. I had been given the job of reading during the service and being ordained a Eucharistic Minister to give out holy communion. Trying to fight my continually worsening symptoms, I pushed through the practices and read as best I could. 

When I returned home that evening, I went straight to bed. I almost collapsed into a slumber and woke up three hours later, finding myself in a state of stress and anxiety over the amount of homework I had due the next day. Everything was weighing on me. My illness, the pressure of the academic side of school life, being a senior prefect, balancing my other roles within the school community, working on the weekends, participating in drama after school. All of it together was just becoming too much.