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i was cuddled up on my couch watching tv and eating popcorn. it had been exactly a month since dylan and i's breakup. the whole month i had been feeling lost and broken. i was missing the biggest and most important person in my life.
i love him of course, but our relationship was very toxic. he would always come home late and drunk which would end in us getting into a heated argument.
one night he came home really late again and was drunk off his ass. i started yelling at him and he started yelling at me saying i was being controlling, when really i was just worried about him.
things took a turn when he accidentally hurt me.
"dylan answer me! where the hell were you!" "i don't have to tell you anything! you're not my fucking mom!" "no but i am you're fucking girlfriend whose been worried sick about her boyfriend!" "well then maybe you should just stop worrying about me and worry about yourself!" "dylan don't you get it! i will never stop worrying about you!" he turned around and started to walk towards our bedroom. "don't you walk away from me!" i stomped after him and he didn't realize how close i really was. "dyl-" boom! dylan had elbowed me extremely hard right across the cheek. i was definitely going to have a bruise in the morning. "oh my god y/n i'm so-" "leave." "what?" "i said leave!" "baby calm down you know i didn't mean to." "no dylan i want you gone! even if it was an accident i can't keep fighting with you every night!" he just stared at me like i was insane. "you know what? fine! i don't need you!" he went to pack his stuff. i felt tears well up but i wasn't going to let him see me cry. i had to stay strong. he finally came out of our bedroom and didn't say a word. he went to the door and just looked at me in the eyes. he was waiting for me to tell him to stay, but i wasn't going to. after i didn't say anything to him the anger in his eyes became sadness. he then closed the door and left.
half of me thinks i should have told him to stay and the other half thinks i did the right thing.
i let out a big sigh and that's when i heard a knock at the door. it was 9:07 pm and i wasn't expecting anybody.
i paused my show and took my blanket off and went to the door. i was wearing a t-shirt and booty shorts but the shirt went down to my knees.
i open the door to see the one and only dylan. but not the dylan i know and love. he looked like shit. he had bags under his eyes and looked like he'd been crying.
before i can get the chance to say anything, i feel his arms wrap tightly around my torso. i didn't know how to react so i slowly wrapped my arms around his neck.
i inhaled and was met with the heavy smell of alcohol and cologne. indicating that he was indeed drunk.
i slowly pulled away and decided to be the first to speak. "dylan what are you doing here?" his face saddened from the loss of contact. "to see you." those words made my heart ache but i knew i had to remain strong.
we broke up for a reason y/n.
"you shouldn't be here dylan." i said sternly. "i know but i had to see you." he reached for my hands and held them in his. "i miss you."
those words alone made me want to forgive him and hold him tight, but i couldn't do that.
"dylan you're drunk." i pulled my hands away from him and took a step back. "that doesn't make it any less true." i looked down at my feet not wanting to look him in his eyes.
"please baby i'm lost without you. i haven't been sleeping or eating and everything seems to remind me of you. i miss the feeling of my arms wrapped around your body at night while we sleep. i miss waking up to the smell of you making breakfast and coming out to see your beautiful smile. i miss everything about you. i also love everything about you. i love you y/n. please take me back. i know i made mistakes when we were together, but i promise you i will change. i will do anything as long as i get to have you back."
tears were streaming down his and my face. i was lost for words. i wanted to give him another chance so badly, but i was afraid that if i did he would hurt me all over again.
he was now looking down at his feet and i could see his tears falling to the floor. i wiped away my tears and took a few steps forward. i cupped his cheeks with my hands and lifted his face so that he was now looking at me in my eyes. i wiped away his tears with my thumb and he look at me with an unreadable expression, unsure of what i was going to do next.
i caressed his cheek and gathered myself enough to finally say something. "dylan i miss you too." his face immediately lit up.
as much as i wanted to be with him, i knew that it just wouldn't work. i knew what i had to do.
he had a shimmer of hope in his eyes and that broke my heart knowing the next thing i was going to say would break him even more.
i slowly pulled my hands away from his face. "but we can't be together." he looked as if someone had just stuck a knife through his chest. his tears started to come down again and i could feel them forming in my eyes too.
"b-but w-why?" he barely managed to choke out. "because we don't work dyl."
he slammed his fist on the door frame aggressively, making me jump. "i'll make us work!" "dylan..." "no!" he yelled, slamming his fist once more almost denting the wall. i winced and had the most terrified expression on my face.
he noticed and slowly took a few steps back. "i-i'm so sorry. i-um... coming here was a mistake." he said quickly.
he began to walk out of my building. "dyl-" he turned around the corner and was gone.
i stood there for a few seconds before finally comprehending what just happened.
i closed my apartment door and ran to my bedroom and began to sob.
