Married to my Enemy

Chapter 20

"Dara," Kohl had whispered by my ear.

"Mhmm"

"I won't be able to stop if we carry on."

"I want that"

I said those words but did I really mean it? What was I even doing?

It took me back to what Kohl asked me earlier... What had really bought this on?

Kohl was still above me, burning me with his heated gaze. I didn't even realise that I'd been so lost in thought.

As if he could feel that I was no longer there, present with him. He looked at me with concern. Caressing my cheek with one palm and asked "Dara, are you okay?"

I didn't say anything, I just watched him blankly. I blinked rapidly up at him. I think the realisation of what was about to happen between us was finally hitting me. I'd never done this. Can I do this? With Kohl?

Kohl was really concerned now. He removed himself from me and shifted himself to the other side of the bed. He sat as I was still laid on my back.

"You're really worrying me now. Dara, tell me what's wrong, did I do something wrong?" He scanned the length of my body as if to find any tell-tale sign indicating the new change in my behaviour.

I was as confused as he was. A moment ago, I was melting under his touch and ready to experience this new high with him. Ready to let him fill me with pleasure that my body truly sought. But now my head was gone.

It was always the same thing again. It bothered me that we didn't love each other. It bothered me that I'd be expecting more than what he'd be willing to give me. I couldn't allow myself.

I was aware of how stupid I looked. I instigated this, it was me who practically attacked Kohl and now I was the one who couldn't deliver? I immediately got up facing him with newfound confidence or false confidence, whatever it was.

Facing him, I give him a weak smile. My pride wouldn't allow me to tell him that something was up or that I was scared. I didn't know why.

He brushed his hand through his hair and let out a sigh of relief. "You really worried me there." He holds my wrists, I flinch a little, hoping he doesn't notice. His eyebrows pinch together. I shake my head, I'm shaking a little but I won't let him see that. I have to show him that I can go through with it.

I shift closer to him, placing my hands on his shoulders and slowly cup his face. "Of course."

Just as I near him to kiss him, to let him forget what happened earlier. He stops me. He removes my hands off him. "Dara don't," he says so lightly I almost miss it. I gulp. I feel like I've been caught or worse, rejected. Honestly, the rejection stings. I can't help but feel as if he's seen through my act.

"Why did you freeze up? You were enjoying it too, weren't you? You wanted to, right?" Of course, he wouldn't just let it go.

I hate this. I hate the fact that I can't explain myself, that I can't explain why I froze up or the fact that I've let him go on and question his actions.

Again, I place a hand on his thigh, letting it move higher, slowly. "It's nothing, I want to. Please." I almost reach his inner thigh when his hand stops me again. "Stop Dara! You're clearly shaking. We don't have to have sex, damn it!", "I want to make this... work," I say as I try hard not to cry, though my eyes well up anyway.

I feel like I've poured my heart out and confessed without actually confessing. I merely test the waters, watching for a reaction since its out already.

"What are you talking about? What's this about" He asks so carefully, scrutinizing me. "Us, this marriage... Sex" I explain.

He looks at me unfazed. I immediately feel regret, shame and as if I've just been rejected once more as he takes a while to say anything or even react. Then a corner of his lips rises.

"Is that so?" He grins. He waits for me to answer. "Y-yes," I muster. He comes closer to me and slowly places his hand on either side of my legs. I sit on my knees so it makes it easier for him to scoot even closer. He places one hand on my knee moving it upward in the direction of my inner thigh. He places his other hand on my hip, which dangerously moves upwards. I freeze up again. I curse myself. Hold it together, I silently pray.

This doesn't faze him. He scoffs. Removing his hands from me once again. "Dara, you clearly don't want this. Well at least not now and that's fine. You don't have to force yourself to go through with this. I'll wait for you Dars." He calls me endearingly as he grins and slides into the covers.

He pulls me down to him. With my back against his chest, my breathing quickens. I slowly relax as I realise he only places his hands on my waist with a promise. A new beginning for us because he tells me at that moment. "I want to make this work with you too." He gives me a light kiss on my exposed neck. I don't freeze up this time. Instead, I smile and drift off to sleep.

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Stan Kohl for clear skin? Has he changed or are we still wary?