True North

SIX

Sawyers P.O.V

I could feel the tension in the air when Natalie opened her front door and I heard a familiar voice. Selene has been gone all summer. Doing God knows what with God knows who. Tip top relationship. I know. I know how my friends feel about Selene.  Even if they don't say it. I can see it in their faces. I can tell.

Natalie yells for ms from the front door and she makes her way back to the living room. I try to make her look me in my eyes but she doesn't. I know she's mad. I know how she feels about Selene.  Just like I know that she won't tell me how she feels about Selene because she assumes it's selfish or that it will look like she doesn't want me to be happy. But anybody who knows Natalie knows that she always puts everyone's happiness above her own. Especially her friends. But that kindness in her heart isn't limited to us. She is like that for anybody whom she feels deserves it. Just one of the many things that I love about her.

I stand up and step to the side of the couch as Natalie returns leaving Selene in the hall wa waiting for me. Natalie slips by me and plops herself down on the couch. At least I know she can't stay mad at me forever. Now to deal with the girlfriend thing.

“Sawyer! Baby!” Selene turns around to face me as I shut the girl's front door behind me. I am unenthused to say the least.

“Selene...what are you doing here?” I rub my forehead.

“I finished my trip early and I just couldn't wait to see ya, babe.” Am I supposed to feel nauseous? Because I definitely feel nauseous.

“Selene...you left for months. You just got up and left. So what do you want?”

“I'm back now. I felt that we need time apart so that you could miss me and realize that we're meant to be.” She tilts her head to the side. She looks like a puppy. You know how a puppy looks at you when they want something? That's what she looks like. But not in a cute way. Not at all.

I take a deep breath and bite my upper lip. I need to take a moment of silence because as annoying as she is I do not want to hurt her feelings. But if this time apart did anything for me it made me realize that this isn't any kind of relationship that I want to be apart of. Why do I put myself in these positions? I knew it was over weeks ago. I just couldn't break up with her over text. I'm not a bad guy. Really. At least I don't think so. I hope not. I can see Selene's lips are still moving. She's going on and on but I've completely zoned out. I've been so happy without her. I don't need her here. I don't want to do this anymore. I am not about to lose myself anymore than I already have. I can't keep this up. I don't even know why I've gone through with this for so long. I haven't been happy in this relationship for a very long time.

“I don't want to do this anymore. I can't.” I find myself biting my upper lip again.

“I'm sorry? What are you talking about Sawy? What do you mean?” I have to shut my eyes for a minute. To regain my composure. I inhale deeply.

“You know what I'm saying.  This isn't working. It hasn't worked in a long time. And I don't want to hurt your feelings but I want to be honest with you. I have to be. And honestly, I've felt so good these past few weeks being away from you. When you're around I feel like I can't breathe. Like I'm walking on eggshells around you every minute of every second of every day. And that's no way to live.” I lick my lips lightly and watch her face for a reaction.  

“So what….you want a break?”

“You being gone for months pretty much was a break for me. Without you around I've had time to focus on myself and to spend time with my friends. When you're around I don't get to do those things. It's like you want me to choose.”