True North

EIGHT

Natalie's P.O.V.

Sawyer and I continue to make our way through the aisles, him still holding me closely. I can't help but watch his every move. Watch him smile. Watch his eyes twinkle whenever the light hits them just right. This is the Sawyer that has been missing for a while. A part of me thought that maybe this part of him had died.That his laughter and happiness were a flame that Selene had completely snuffed out. But no. Here he is. As clear as day. As beautiful and as wonderful as he has ever been. He's himself all over again like she never even happened at all. And I couldn't be more grateful.

But even in this moment my mind starts to wonder. And I can't help but give way to my thoughts. Thoughts that I don't think I should be having about my best friend. But who am I kidding? Because if I'm being honest, I've had these thoughts about him a thousand times over, at least. I glance at Sawyer out of the corner of my eye. Tracing his body, committing every detail to an updated memory. The way his hair curls lay atop his head depending on a mix of the weather and if he's washed it that day or not. The way those curls always seem to fall so perfectly either way. No matter what. And then there's his smile. How it really sparkles when he's happy. That smile could light up a room. That glimmer in his eyes when he's really happy and enjoying himself. How perfect his hands look and how perfectly my hand would fit in his. Stop it, Natalie. He's your best friend. He just broke up with his girlfriend. And above all else, he is not looking at you that way. Get a grip. I shake those thoughts out of my head to the best of my ability and I drag myself back to the reality of this moment.

"Coming back to join us in the real world are you?" Sawyer's eyes are on me.

"Hah. Sorry. I just keep doing that. I really need to work on it." I giggle awkwardly.

"Nah. It's one of those things that just sort of adds up to who you are. I like it." He pulls me in a little tighter. Reassuring me. "So, what were you thinking about? Hmm?"

"Oh! Nothing. None of your business." I squint my eyes. I hope he can't see through me in that way that he always does.

"Oh, Natalie James. Were you thinking naughty, dirty things? Huh?" He teases.

"Sawyer Mitchell, you're vile." I nudge him in the ribs.

"Jesus, Cookie. Why are you always trying to hurt me? I'm so sweet and gentle and you just want to break me up into a million pieces." He rubs at his rib cage while shaking his head in the most dramatic manner.

"You're so fucking dramatic, Mitchell." I push him off of me.

"Aww come on, Nat. You know you love me." Sawyers pokes out his bottom lip playfully while coming at me with open arms. He smiles a cute, crooked smile as he wraps both of his arms around my shoulders and I wrap my arms around his slim, toned waist. Burying my head in the small space where his arm touches his abdomen.

I inhale and exhale deeply. I never want this moment to end. In fact I want more moments exactly like this one. I want moments like this with Sawyer to last forever. But I know that that's not going to happen. I know that even though he might stay the night in my bed with me sometimes, read my favorite books with me over and over again as many times as I'd like, and bring me snacks at all hours of the day right now that she moments will not go on forever. Because they never do. Soon enough he'll have another girlfriend. And thus the cycle will continue, and I will just be here to pick up the pieces all over again. Like always I'll just be here to care for him and to tell him that things get better. But for me...this cycle will continue as it always does. Same outcome every time. Same ending. And things will not get better. I can't have the two people I love the most in this world. At the end of the day, I only really have me.