Blind Promises

28. Gwen's Past

Note: All images via Google unless otherwise noted.
TW: Recollection of past abuse, rape, and violence heavy in this chapter. 

When she shook her head exaggeratedly slow, his bicep provided a nice amount of distracting friction, soothing her open nerves. She took a few deep breaths and continued, "That's not exactly true though. He came in the middle of chaos, right when my grandfather was dying, literally. Weeks before, maybe two? He was a gentleman at first, but I felt off, of course, I brushed that aside, everything felt off, right? My grandpa was dying, he was my father figure, my world was upside down. Everything was wrong. Scott was there for me as the days got worse, then finally the funeral. The slow start of getting back to normal is when things started to hit the skids. He insisted I move in with him so he could take care of me, eventually, I reluctantly agreed. After that, I rarely saw my family except for holidays and he kept my face immaculate. If he let me have a job, it was one where I had to wear long sleeves. Three years this went on, I think, at least. There were always bruises on my arms, handprints. My knees looked like I was a derby girl, you can imagine what that was from. Hmm?"

Gwen just shook her head. These memories were so vile, she hated the way they tasted in her mouth, why would he want to listen to any more? "Are you done yet, have you reached your limit? This is where most people check out and head for the door. Which, I guess technically since it's your door, you'd show me the way out."

"Baby, I want to know what he did to you, he came into your life in part due to me. There is nothing I can do to change that but I will learn the things that hurt you so I don't do them unintentionally. I'm not checking out, if you think that I run when things get uncomfortable, perhaps you'd like to take a peek at that file on the kitchen table. I'm not afraid, Gwen. If you feel like you want to tell me the rest, please do. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." Liam tipped her head back and kissed her tenderly. "It's up to you."

She wasn't sure what she was fighting, she'd said it, she was a good judge of character. Liam was the best, what was she afraid of? Her heart knew the answer and it was to be broken. She wasn't broken-hearted when she left Scott, she was relieved. To leave Liam might be the final nail in her coffin, she wasn't sure she would be able to recover her mind from that pain. Maybe she wasn't trying to save him, but herself.

The hardest part to tell anyone was still left unsaid, she'd only spoken these words to a select few, she might as well finish what was started now that he'd asked. "Remember you wanted to know."

She took a deep breath and sighed, might as well go all in, "At night he'd tie me to the bed so I couldn't get away while he was sleeping. How dangerous was that? His favorite game was to make tiny little nicks and cuts, just barely more than scratches, on my abdomen, upper thighs, sometimes my upper back near my shoulders. Scott loved blood play, he fancied himself a vampire. There are a few small scars if you know where to look. He was messed up, wanted to be a dominant, but it was never that kind of relationship because I wasn't willing. He just took what he wanted. I wasn't a stranger to the scene. I wasn't a part of it at that time, but I loved people that were. I knew how it worked and what a real dominant partner looked like.

"The rest of the time, I could never please him, his food wasn't cooked properly, even though I presented it perfectly. The house was never clean enough. I was never clean enough, my hair never straight enough, my body never tight enough, my face was never flawless enough. It was never enough to please him. He carried a cane with him often, his belt worked in a pinch, to correct me.

"At night, in front of the TV, he took what frustration he had out on me. He was an accountant, he felt like the firm he worked for didn't value his work, he never got the promotion he wanted, there was always something he was angry about. Occasionally he spanked me with a wooden spoon, he made me lay across his lap with myself exposed while he spanked me until I was screaming. Then he'd put a pillow under my face so he could finish to his satisfaction. The bruises, contusions really, sometimes had hematomas. Then he'd shove my head into the couch cushions and rape me while I screamed in pain again." Gwen stopped and scrutinized his face for disgust. She waited to see if he wanted her to go on.