Blind Promises

50. Gwen's Fears

Damn stubborn Ninja Rangers, it might be his guilt but it was her past. Nothing she could do, best to go enjoy that baby girl while she could, it wouldn't be long before they'd have to leave. Liam handed her the infant while she got comfortable in his arms. Gwen knew Ana would be a beautiful baby, Carly was too pretty not to have gorgeous offspring. She hadn't anticipated how much she'd love her, she drank up every single detail to store until she could see her again. The sweet smell of her head every time she kissed it, how the rolls in her tiny fingers waved past her face and tangled in Gwen's hair, a more perfect cupid's bow she'd never seen. A fat tear splashed onto Ana's head.

"Hey angel, we're not leaving yet." Liam soothed. Gwen smiled at him, "I know, she's just so perfect, Liam. Look at her. Do you ever think about how odd it is, babies and how they come to be? We've never even so much as mentioned it to one another."

He smiled, "I have been, she's definitely got her mama's looks. It's not that odd, it's nature, we'll talk about it. Soon, okay?" Liam wiped away another tear that was about to fall. "Hopefully she has her attitude too."

"I heard that, Major Asspain." Corbin drawled as he ambled into the room with a couple of beers in his hand. Condensation dripped onto her head when the bottle passed over into Liam's palm. "What did I do?"

"You're crying over bullshit. Stop messing up my little girl's hair do."

Gwen narrowed her eyes, "You know what the Army makes? Assholes." She stood and stomped off down the hall to where Carly was pumping. Gwen started to fling herself down onto the bed when she remembered the baby asleep in her arms. "The Army makes assholes."

"You just now figured this out?"

A heavy sigh filled out her chest, she looked down into the sweet face, "I guess so, I'm just not ready to leave I guess but I know it's coming. Kiss me like you mean it, make me feel like it's not really goodbye, Carly."

Carly took Ana and put her in the bassinet. She locked the door and stood in front of her, hands on the sides of her face, "What has you so wound up, baby girl?"

"Carly, something isn't right. This isn't over. Don't tell Corby, I haven't even told Liam or Rich, but I don't feel good about this trip. Be ready to take Lacey back at any moment, I'm going to try and talk Rich into it every day. There is a looming dread, and this time it's not false, it's real. Something big is going to happen and I think I may have a lead, the only problem is that, if I'm right, it's going to break Liam's heart."

Carly ran her fingers through her hair, Gwen closed her eyes at the sensation, sweet kisses trailed her face before Carly held her close. "I wish you wouldn't have told me that, now I'm going to worry so much. You know I'm going to tell Corbin, so you better find out what you can when you get up there, let me know what is going on so I can give him more accurate, real information. I need him here, but he can do what he does best, and that's protect you if it comes down to it. Come home if you need to, Gwen. No matter what Liam thinks, just come home. I know they're super special and great, and he is, I'm not saying he's not. I'm just saying that I know you're safe here. I'd rather you here and mad than coming back in a coffin that they'd surely put you in. Just come home." It was Carly's turn for fat tears to roll off her cheeks and onto Gwen. She should have just kept her mouth shut but she didn't trust anyone else, no one else would keep her secrets safe like Carly. The fevered kiss was full of fear and irrationality, but Carly held on to her as if she could make her stay if she just held on tight enough. "I love you so much, Gwen. Don't become my biggest heartbreak."

"Carly, I'm going to be okay. Remember that asshole who wouldn't leave me alone until I could shoot anything that moved even if it was so far away no one could see it? Apparently, that was super impressive. Another asshole taught me exhaustively, so much so that I nearly looked like I did after Scott was done with me, how to defend myself. He's not super impressed with my skill but he's still trying. They both believe they can protect me much easier if I am with them than alone, and that you are safer if I'm not with you. That alone is reason enough for me. I just won't risk it if they're right. Mahoney is putting a detail on you because I threw a huge 'hormonal' fit in his office a few days ago. Legit don't tell Corby, please. I promise I'll come home if it gets to the point that there is no other option, Carly. I promise I would never intentionally break your heart. Not ever. But I have to protect what I love, that means going with him and leaving ya'll. Both of those things are mutually exclusive to the safety of all of you." Gwen wiped away her tears. "Don't upset Anabelle."

"You don't have to carry all of us. You don't have to be strong for everyone. You're not a god, Gwen. You're just a girl who loves too much. God damn, I'm beginning to see why Corby gets so frustrated with you and Rich is always so tense. He always needs to work out frustration of his own due to the girl with the stars in her eyes."

Gwen tilted her head and furrowed her brow a bit, "Don't start with prose, it doesn't help."

"It can't hurt at this point." Carly kissed her in earnest. The sort of kiss that Gwen lived for. "You are not playing fair and you know if he walks through that door that I'll have to spend a lot of time explaining things to him."

"Good." Carly just stood there looking down at her, her eyes still shining with unspent tears.

Gwen had to get her under some kind of composure, post-pregnancy hormones were some shit, "Please, work with me, I'm no safer here, I'm actually an easier target. Don't you remember how easy it was for Mitchel to get one over on Corbin? Can you imagine the leverage having me would give these people? I wish I could just put an organization to it, I'm sick of saying 'these people'."

"Fine, I get it, I do. Just promise me you'll stay safe and I'll trust you to do the right thing. But keep me informed, call Robert and have him set up a private connection, encrypted to a stupid level, and have him monitor every time we're on for breeches, which may actually help you." Carly gave her instructions like she was the one in charge of the operation.

Gwen nodded, "I already have, except I didn't think to suggest that he monitor when we are on, he would anyway because that's how he is. Nerd."

"Our nerd," Carly reminded her. Gwen smiled, "Yeah, yeah."

A gentle knock on the door interrupted them, Gwen knew it was Liam, "We're almost done baby, I'll be out in a second."

"Okay, angel, but we have to leave soon, I'm sorry."

Gwen smiled at Carly, "It's okay sweetheart, see you in a minute."

Carly wiped the tears from her eyes but there was no hiding that she'd been crying, "It's really lucky she's going to wake up any moment to nurse because there is no fixing this. You'll just have to excuse me and give them a generous hug for me."

"I will Carly girl, I promise." Gwen wrapped her up tight and enjoyed the softness and warmth for a few moments more. A fierce kiss was all that Carly had to leave with her but it would be enough. She went and picked up Ana, "Goodbye my darling little girl, I love you so much already. I can't wait to see you grow. I'll be back soon, before you know it, I'll never forget the way you smell. How about you never forget the sound of my voice."

She kissed her head and breathed in one more time. Carly was bawling then, "Dammit, Gwen. Get out of here. You can't do this to me."

"I love you, Carly. Always will." Gwen blew her a kiss and walked down the hall. "Hey. It's feeding time so she asked me to give hugs for her."