Destiny- Byron Miller

~4~

Me and Amanda talked for a long time.

She said that she wishes I told her sooner so that she could help more. She said that she knew our situation was bad, but not nearly as bad as it actually is.

She offered help, but since Amanda is basically a single mom since her husband is deployed in the military, she doesn't have much more to offer.

I ultimately decided that the best thing she could do for us is to continue doing what she's been doing. To continue to bring Maisie to and from school, feed her dinner, help her with homework. All the things I wish I could do, but can't.

I have to leave for work now. I walk into the play room to say bye to Maisie and give her a kiss on the forehead, and a tight hug. After that I head off to work.

Work was awful today. Everyone was in an awful mood. I work at a local restaurant and for some reason everyone was just plain rude and obnoxious. Especially the last customer of the day.

That one customer somehow managed to push me overboard and ruined the rest of the night. But, I did get a text from Amanda telling me that Maisie wants to sleepover tonight and I thought that was perfect since I'm already in a bad mood. Now I get the rest of the night all to myself.

I was really excited to finally be able to have a house full of peace and quiet and maybe have some alone time. Being by myself is a rare occurrence nowadays and I plan on using it to my advantage.

I was not prepared for what I saw when I opened the door.

Lo and behold, my mother was standing there with a man. It looks as if she was waiting for me or something. Why would she wait for me? She never cared about me before?

"Hello Byron, I'd like you to meet my fiance, Donald Gills," my mother said, sounding almost sweet.

"Hi," I stated bluntly, not really caring about any part of this whole situation.

"Where's your sister?"

"With a friend, mother"

"Wait, Byron, come back!" she said as I started walking up the stairs.

"What do you want, mother?! You never cared before, so why do you care now?!" I shouted at her.

"Oh you'll care about this!" she shouted back.

After a minute I was getting impatient, "Well, what is it?"

"You're going to have a new sibling!"

No.

No. No. No.

This can NOT be happening.

I don't care if she wants to get married again, but I will not allow her to bring another child into this world, just so that she can neglect it just like she did with me and Maisie.

This "new sibling" could quite possibly ruin my whole entire life.

I'm already struggling to care for Maisie, but caring for a newborn?! No no no.

But I'm stuck in a difficult situation. I don't think I could mentally care for another sibling, but if I leave that kid with my mom, I would feel guilty every single day of my life if he or she got neglected.

My whole life is falling to pieces. I don't deserve this. Maisie doesn't deserve this. And this new baby sure as hell doesn't deserve this.

"How far along is the pregnancy?" I couldn't help but ask.

"We're almost at 7 months! It's a little girl! Right now where deciding between the names Leah and Bailey." my mother answered.

I was shocked. Why did she wait until now to tell me. I'm not surprised she didn't say anything though. After all, I haven't seen her in like 2 weeks. And when my mom is pregnant, she's very small and her bump doesn't show much.

I turned around to head back up the stairs toward my bedroom. When I got to the top of the stairs I turned around and said to my mother, "Bailey." and then walked to my room.

But as I was walking to my room, I couldn't help but go into Maisie's room. Full of toys and happiness. I wonder how she's going to react when she finds out she's going to be a big sister. Oh my god. Maisie is going to be a big sister. My little baby is going to have a younger sibling.

Maisie doesn't go in her room to sleep. Only to play with toys. She has a bed in there, she just prefers to sleep in my bed with me.

I don't like sleeping without Maisie there either. After spending years of feeling lonely, not having to sleep alone is a gift that only Maisie can give me.

I head back to my own room. It's cold. Colorless. Sad. My room is lifeless without Maisie in it.

I lay in my cold bed all alone.

My thoughts running wild.

Thoughts of sadness. Happiness. Love.

Who even is this Donald guy? How did he meet my mom? Was this pregnancy planned? They're getting married? Has my mom lost all good judgment when it comes to men? Is Maisie okay? Will she be a good big sister? Is my mom going to totally forget about us one day? Will she forget about the new baby too? Will her name really be Bailey? Should I tell Amanda about this? Will I ever be able to get custody of Maisie? Will I have to get custody of Bailey too? Will I have to get a better job? What if the new baby died? What if my mom dies? Can Donald please die? What if Maisie dies? What if I die? Would Maisie be abandoned if I die? Why would I die?

Thoughts rushed through my head.

Sometimes I wish I was dead.

I wonder why I was cursed with a mother who doesn't love her children. I wonder what I did to deserve this. Why did my dad have to leave. Why did my step dad have to die. Why did my mom have to turn to alcohol.

All this thinking caused me to be sick. I literally threw up because of all the stress in my life.

Sometimes I wish I was dead.

I fell asleep soon after my mental breakdown. But I woke up at 1 am from a phone call from Amanda. She said that Maisie can't sleep without me so she asked me if I could come pick her up. I threw on some shoes and a shirt and headed for their house. When I got there Maisie ran to my arms crying. I picked her up and she wrapped her arms and legs around my torso as hard as she could, sobbing into my shoulder. I carried her to the car after saying a quick goodbye to Amanda. Maisie fell asleep on the way to our house so i picked up the sleeping angel and carried her up to my room and immediately settled in. She seemed to cuddle a little closer than usual tonight.

And as I was laying there with my little sister snuggled into my side, I realized that I don't wish I was dead.

And everything would be just fine.