Colder than ice

'The future is forever, so smile.'

Sunday 4th April 2038

The pair are watching TV, something that has become a rarity. It's some stupid morning TV show, neither of them concentrating. 'I'm sorry.' She says very quietly. 'Why do you want this to work?' He sits up straighter. She wonders why he put up with her for this long, was it purely for the kids? Or was there something else? Why didn't he give up when she did?

'Because I love you so fucking much.' He pauses for breath. 'I miss you, and I know you don't mean this.' She snuggles into his chest, something that she used to do as a teenager. 'I know your struggling Di, and like I said in my vows, for better for worse.' She can smell his aftershave on his shirt, she likes it and it feels familiar. It's almost like somethings clicked into place.

'But I've been an arse to you.' He shakes his head, gripping her a little bit tighter, as if he were going to lose her. 'We are all trying to process everything that's going on.'

'The kids hate me.' Her heart sinks when she thinks of them. 'I've been a cow to them too.' He grabs her hand, kissing her knuckles gently. It just makes her feel worse, it's like she's been awoken from a nasty dream, but she has to piece her life back together, and that is going to take time, and there will always be a piece missing. No matter how hard they try, there will be a Ruby shaped hole in her heart. She will always be gone, she won't ever get another drunk dial or text message. They used to moan about being disturbed during the night, when Ruby pressed the wrong button on her phone, hearing her swear and apologise when she realises what she's done. She won't ever sit their making rude comments when they watch stupid TV shows, when Joe would throw a pillow to get her to shut up. They would kill to get that, just one last time. She won't ever graduate university, she will be another statistic, a name. And to Dianne, that's what hurts the most.

'They want this to work as much as I do.' He reassures her. 'They love you so much, but they are struggling too.' He pauses, unsure whether to bring up that their daughter got suspended for two days a month ago, but she begged him not to tell Dianne. 'They are struggling too, Maddie got suspended.' He tells her, studying her face as the gravity of the situation finally hits her.

'Suspended?' He nods slowly, as she gazes up at him, wondering has she completely lost all her kids. Maddie was a gobby cow, but she wasn't naughty or violent. Maybe it's her way of trying to get Dianne's attention, but she was too caught up in her own grief to even notice.

'Yeah she got into a fight, it's okay though.' He reassures her. 'They will be made up that you want to make this work.'

'I've made it 100 times harder for the three of you.' She says quietly. 'I let my anger take over and I didn't even give a second thought to anyone else.' She sobs, he fiddles with her hair as she cries, something that he had done a lot of in the past. It's a comfort, him playing with the ends of her hair. She was thinking about changing it, but she's not sure.

'You are Ruby's mum.' He breathes. 'You have a very different relationship with her to any of us.' He makes sure to use the word are instead of were. She might be dead, but she will always be their firstborn. 'What happened to Roo was a shock to all of us.' He whispers, 'And we are trying to find the new normal.' He tells her, his hand holding onto her. 'We have to work together, the four of us.'

'Five.' She whispers, at first, he thinks that he misheard, maybe it was a slip of the tongue. The idea of them being without Ruby was still raw, even though it was months down the line. 'I'm fourteen weeks pregnant.' She whispers, looking up at him, bracing herself for the fallout. 'I only found out this week.' He tightens his grip on her hand. 'It's a sign.' She mutters, 'Despite everything, I have a healthy baby.' He rests his head on her shoulder, unsure what to say. 'Joe say something.' She whispers.

'Wow.' He feels her hand on his, gently guiding him to her stomach. His breath curbs. 'Is that?' She nods slowly.

'It's a good thing.' She tells him. 'We have to at least try.' He nods, still fascinated by the bump. Not that it's really a bump, it's barely visible. Maddie would be sixteen soon, this seemed like an awfully random time to have a baby. 'I would have told you sooner.' She whispers. 'But I only found out last Friday.' She pauses, 'I wasn't sure, so I went to the doctors on Tuesday.'

'Wow.' He traces her stomach, she lays back into his chest. 'I don't know what to say.' She looks up with him, with tears in her eyes.

'I'm really sorry.' He shakes his head. 'Why are you being so nice to me, I've been awful to you.' She pauses. 'And even more awful to Matilda and Theo.' He shrugs.

'I promise you, they just want you back.' He grabs her, rubbing her exposed stomach. 'Do you want them home tonight?' She shakes her head, he doesn't blame her. They still have a long way to go.

'I'll get them to come home tomorrow.' She nods, knowing that she's going to have to speak to their kids at some point. He shoots them a text.

To: Maddie; Teddy. Hey kids, can you come home tomorrow.

From: Maddie: How is mum?

To: Maddie: She's okay, she wants to see you tomorrow.

That night the pair of them lay in one another's arms, for the first time in nearly a year, the gap between them has closed. 

A/N Thoughts on Ruby, now you finally know who she is?  It will come out in later chapters as to why Dianne blames Joe....