Colder than ice

'Saying everything is groovy, when your tires are flat.'

Monday 24th May 2038

'I'm so excited.' Her daughter confesses, 'Are you?' The older woman smiles at her daughter's enthusiasm. It's not that this isn't exciting, it's just that currently her bladder is that full she can't concentrate this. 'You okay mum.'

'I forgot how much they make you drink.' She smiles weakly, 'I can't wait to pee.' Her daughter laughs at that, flicking through a mother and baby magazine. Her mother looks around the room, this time she doesn't feel completely out of it, her hand flicking through the file in her hand. When she was here the first time, they felt out of place. They weren't teenagers, but they were the youngest ones there. Joe felt it important to come to every appointment, it was a way of showing that she wasn't just some girl who got knocked up. They were a couple, who loved one another. She observes all the other people, one or two of them barely older than Maddie.

It occurs to her that she's spent more time in waiting rooms over the last year than she probably has done in her life. They are all the same, clinical and unwelcoming with magazines dating back to the 1900's. They all have that smell too, the one you can't place but smells rank. It's not just hospital waiting rooms, its police waiting rooms. They are all the same.

'Dianne Sugg come on through.' A nurse drifts her out of the thoughts and the pair walk down the corridor, Maddie first, Dianne trailing behind. 'Welcome Dianne, and you are?' She questions her daughter, it's quite obvious which one was the pregnant one now. Dianne has now developed quite a bump, she can't remember how big she was at this stage of her pregnancy with any of her other kids. She had recently had a sudden surge of energy. Not that she was going to talk about that whilst Maddie is there. She wasn't sure who would be more awkward, Maddie or herself. It's not like Maddie didn't know that she was sleeping with her dad, it's just not something that she would want to disclose. Luckily, todays was just a scan. Maddie had begged to come, and Dianne happily obliged. Both Theo and Joe were doing something, they had both been there before. Maddie hadn't.

'Are you going to find out the gender today?' The nurse asks, as Dianne pulls her trousers down a little, wincing at the cold jelly that has been liberally applied. She hadn't missed this, the pressing down on her bladder, the ice-cold jelly.

'No.' She says quietly. 'No, I have a boy and a girl, as long as it's okay, it doesn't matter to me.'

'Ooh nice.' She looks at Maddie. 'How old are they?' Dianne smiles.

'Ruby is 21, Theo is 18 and Maddie is nearly 16.' She smiles, Maddie is never sure whether to mention Ruby or not, a sort of elephant in the room. She doesn't say anything, intently listening to what the nurse is saying.

'Oh wow, big age gap.' She nods, wincing as she presses down on her, the heartbeat floods the room. Maddie grabs her daughters' hand, as her eye wells us.

'Is it.' She takes a gulp of air. 'Is it okay?' The pair wait with baited breath, as the nurse does some checks.

'You have a perfectly heathy baby.' She smiles at them, writing something down. 'I've got all the measurements, you can go and pee.' She smiles, getting up and walking over to the bathroom opposite the room, never being so relieved in her life to see the toilet. She's not waddling at the moment, as she gets bigger, it will come. 'You're due October, right?' Dianne nods, wandering over to the bed.

'October third.' She confirms, as the woman notes it down. 'Is the baby okay?' She nods again, handing her back the folder. 'We will see you back for a scan in a couple of weeks.'

The pair walk out, silence overcoming them on the way to the car. 'Wow.' Her daughter breathes. 'It just feels so much more real.' Dianne laughs, knowing the feeling her daughter is feeling. It truly is mind blowing. They sit in the car for a few moments.

'Are you seeing anyone?' Dianne asks her, studying her daughters face as it falls and her cheeks flush pink.

'Oh.' She asks, as Dianne starts the car. 'Why?' She shrugs.

'It doesn't matter if you are.' She reassures her daughter, 'You slipped up.' She shrugs, looking out the window. 'I fancy McDonalds.' It seems to fall on deaf ears.

'He's called Jack.' She tells her quietly. 'And he's in my media class.' She smiles a little, the blush returning to her face.

'Have you slept with him?' She asks directly, he daughter giving her a look.

'Mum.'

'I am just wondering.' She pauses. 'Did you use protection?' Her daughter slumps down on her seat, hiding her face a little. She knows where this is going, she doesn't really want to talk to her mum about this. When Ruby was alive, they discussed things like that. She didn't need to go to her mum, it was Ruby and Dianne who were close and talked about things like that. She just sat there, when they talked about it, listening awkwardly. Dianne craved that close relationship she had with her first born. She was closer with Ruby than she was with Maddie. She was closed to Theo, but it was different with her son. Maddie was a real daddy's girl. They had been thick as thieves from the moment that she could walk. She was worried if this baby was a girl, maybe it would like she was replacing Ruby. Maybe she would have such high expectations, and maybe it would never live up to it. Maybe she would be a crap parent.

Perhaps, the added hurt was the fact that her eldest daughter didn't feel as though she was able to confide in her, whilst she was at university. Maybe she put too much pressure on her being perfect. Had she been able to confide in her, maybe it wouldn't have come out in the autopsy. What if she hadn't died, would she have ever known. The last eleven months, these thoughts had been running around in her mind, haunting her dreams. Maybe she's a bad parent. She had all faith in Joe's parenting abilities, but she's doubting hers. Not that she can tell anyone.

'I'm on the pill mum, I don't want to get pregnant.' She assures her mum. 'I'm excited to be a big sister, but I'm nowhere near ready to be a mum.'

'I'm glad to hear that.' They pull up into the drive thru, 'The usual?'

A/N Thoughts? Also, I have been asked a few times about Ruby's death. The penultimate chapter is Ruby centred (mostly) and it does allude to how she died. I'm not going to give anything away just yet though, as there's probably another six chapters to go.