A Kiss To Change It All - Montgomery de la Cruz

Part 25

The news came like a bolt out of the blue. It was unexpected and shocking. Hannah was dead. She took her own life. When Miss Bradley announced what happened on Monday afternoon, the whole room went silent for the rest of the class, none us of daring to speak. You should have guessed, you should have been there for her. But you didn't and there was no way you were going to change anything now that she was gone. You felt guilty and you couldn't help it. "She was so sweet and loving, why did she do that?"

"Sweetheart..."

"Jeff, she killed herself because she had had enough of everything! Lord knows what pushed her to do such a thing!" After hours of silence, you were loudly crying and blaming yourself for something you couldn't stop because Hannah knew it was meant to be that way.

Your best friend eventually managed to calm you a little bit, ceasing your crying. "Will you be fine?" He asked when you parked your car in front of his house.

"Don't worry, Jeffereykins, I'm feeling better now." You kissed his cheek and drove away to your house, thankful that none of your parents would be home at this hour. As you proceeded to open the front door, something caught your attention, a box sitting on the doormat, with just your name written on it with a black sharpie. 'What's that?' You wondered picking it up as you pushed your front door open and entered the house. There were no stamps, no expeditor, nothing. Someone must have put it there directly. Sitting in your desk chair, you carefully cut open the paper wrapping what seems to be an old shoe box. You didn't know what to expect inside of it, so you backed up while you took the lid off and to your surprise, there was a letter on top of whatever was inside. You instantly recognized Hannah's beautiful handwriting. 'No no no it can't be from her...' But it was.

'Dear (Y/N),

You must be wondering what is in this box and why you have it.

But before I tell you anything, I wanted to thank you, for the few moments of calmness and happiness you and Jeff gave me while I was still there. The efforts Jeff put in helping Clay to make a move on me. The bits of advice you gave me. The many times you listened to me even when I was doing things wrong.

Everything, really.

You are a beautiful girl, inside and out. Your smile and kindness could warm the coldest hearts, Montgomery is the proof that I am not saying nonsense to you.

Now for the part you want to know. This box has the thirteen reasons why my life ended. People that were involved in the slow process of me reaching the decision of taking my own life. You must think that it is wrong and I should not have done this, you are right but what there was nothing left of me worth continuing to live. I am sorry for what I did but you will know why I did all of this and you will know that Jeff's accident could have been avoided.

The only instruction I am going to give you is to pass this box to the first one on the tapes and to keep the letter for you.

Thank you again,

Hannah.'

Tears were once again covering your cheeks like a waterfall, some landing on the light pink paper, smudging the blue ink at some parts. You quickly gathered your thoughts and moved to grab the old cassette player from the attic, you thanked yourself when you decided not to throw it away when Jeff was helping you clean out your bedroom a few years back. 'One day, Jeffereykins, this will make a comeback and you'll be jealous I own one.' You wished you had to use it for something else than this.

Sitting on your bed, you pulled the first tape and placed it inside before pressing the play button, Hannah's voice filling your room, making you jump, caught off guard. "Hey! It's Hannah. Hannah Baker..." The rest went quickly, you listened to side after side, tape after tape, swallowing the hard moments Hannah had to get through on her own, with no one to complain to, no one to ease things a little bit. You were about to start listening to the second side of the fifth tape when you heard a knock on your door. "Sweetie, we're home."