Sin

Chapter Six

-Syn-

Kylo and I have continued our training for weeks now. I have grown used to his physical punishments that have pushed my body further than I could ever know. When I got to the starkiller base, I was 5'1 and 110 lbs. Since then, I have gained 5 lbs. of muscle. Kylo constantly tears at the old muscle allowing for stronger muscle to form. He tears me apart and builds me stronger.

He has shown me how to become in tune with the force. Relaxing myself and reaching in the universe while placing myself into the universe, creating balance. And how to use this balance for my own power. He explains the Sith code to me and recites it while I poise in his words.

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

I am starting to understand his strengths and endurance. I grasp the Sith code and why he pushes me harder and harder every day. The memory of my parents slowly fading. I silently remind myself that they would want me to grow, to take this power and create something stronger than the Sith's and Jedis. I owe that to them..

I arrived in the training room expecting Kylo to already be waiting for me, but the room was empty. I assume he is busy with duties of being Commander of the First Order and decide not to wait for him. I am sure he would punish me for wasting valuable time, so I turn on the sparring droid. The droid projects a I hologram fighter, so that I can train on my own.

Hours pass and I realize that Kylo will not be showing up. This is the first day in weeks that I have not been around him for most 24 hours. My routine became wake up, train with Kylo, eat lunch separately, continue training of another sort, and head back to my quarters to shower, eat, and sleep. The busy and continuous work leaves little time for me to think of my own thoughts anymore. Also, I have been concerned with Kylo reading my thoughts and I have yet to master blocking him from entering, so I tend to focus on his teachings. I continue to change the settings on the droid, pushing me farther like Kylo would.

I let myself dance with my staff, easily avoiding the strikes of the hologram. The fight is easier than being against Kylo. My body follows rhythmically with ease to the fight as I find my mind wandering.

I think of Kylo Ren and the same tantalizing mask he continues to wear. Every day I fight the urge to find the man hidden behind the mask. Just to see his face for one second.. We have been able to develop a somewhat friendly relationship. I have been able to put the pain of my parent's death on hold in order to fully learn the ways of the force. Kylo only uses their death when he really wants my anger to show.

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Even through the mechanics of his helmet, I can still hear how deep and smooth his voice is. I can hear him in my head, but I just want to hear the man behind it all. Aside from my utter hatred for this him and he that killed my family and ruined my life, he has continued to give me respect. I realize that his antagonizing methods are only to make me stronger. In turn, I give him the mutual respect that he has taught me. I do not speak against him and I bow my head when he makes an appearance.

When he trains me, he remains professional and quiet. I know that he can hear all my thoughts, and I long to hear his. Sometimes the silence is peaceful, but sometimes I just want to hear a simple "hello" or "good morning." I am only human, not the robot in which he pretends to be.

I have been training for hours on my own with out eating or a break, so I end my session early. I head back to my quarters for my usual consistency to continue. Shower, dinner, sleep.