hers | l.ty ✔️

13

           

I couldn't believe I had left him all alone back at the house in the rain, it pained me to say it but I truly did feel bad for what I had done. But he didn't know that I wasn't sure on how to react to it. How would anyone know how to react to having a famous K-pop idol kissing them? Nobody. This is because that never happens as most of them are on a no dating contract. Yet what scared me the most to think about it is why. Why would he kiss me when he could have anyone that he wanted in the world?

I'm just an average girl, nothing particularly special about me. There was something in his eyes with the way he looked at me, like I was the most perfect person that he had ever seen in his life. And that terrified me, I didn't know what it meant. He looked at me with this sort of love in his eyes and it truly confused me and made me question myself. The real question I need to ask myself is, do I love Taeyong? How could I ever look at him again, or even think about him again?

I'm the new NCT choreographer after all and that would only put much more strain on myself. They expected me to live with the boys even if I don't feel ready to live without my mother here to support me. I feel like I am ready to love him, but something is holding me back and I can't put my finger exactly on what. It wasn't until one name lit up on my phone screen that I knew exactly what was holding me back. Or should I say who was holding me back.

I unlocked my phone and stared at the message before beginning to type out my response to him, yet I kept deleting and re-typing it so manty times that I wasn't sure if I wanted to message him back at all. I eventually decided that I had to and sent the messages, soon starting a conversation with him about simply nothingness.

I turned off my phone once the conversation had finished, putting it on charge as I walked into the bathroom and stripped from my soaking wet clothes and turned on the shower, it quickly became hot as I stepped inside of it. The water rolled down my face and off my body as I simply stood there and watched the water droplets fall from the shower head and smash into the floor before going down the drain. The glass fogged up as the water began to get extremely hot, yet I didn't mind it. In some ways it soothed me rather than burn my delicate skin.

I began to wash my hair and my body but all that was going through my mind was what had happened earlier. It haunted me and no matter what, it wouldn't leave me alone. I was stuck with the continuous thought of Taeyong's face when he saw me turn and run, I had of course glanced back. He looked so alone there but I couldn't stop myself from running. All I had known was that I just had to get out of there and away from them all.

The thing was that I had not been embarrassed but actually scared, as I had said before. He just scared me in general because I never knew what he would do. He was unpredictable, but maybe that's what drew me closer and closer to him. The unknown. I turned off the water and got out of the shower as I wrapped a towel around myself and walked into my bedroom, changing into a pair of fluffy pyjamas.

I have to go back over there tomorrow as I'm supposed to be leading them in the choreography which they'll have to show me first so that I know what I'm doing. I'll look like a complete idiot if I begin to just twirl around on the spot and call that the whole dance. That does seem like something I would do as I'm not personally very experienced in dance. The last time I had ever had the chance to dance was at my prom and even then, it was very short and brief so I wasn't there for long.

That, I was thankful for because it was extremely embarrassing with everybody staring at me like I was some object of their attention. Truth be told, I had never been one who liked to be the centre of attention. It made me feel awkward. I only hated it so much due to the fact that my mother always had put up arguments with my teacher when she felt I was being treated differently from the others when I was not. She said that I was the smartest of the class and should be put in the hardest classes.

As a child, you would never be excited about something like this. I climbed into my bed and hid underneath the covers while hugging myself. It was cold tonight and even with the hot shower I just had, I could already feel the cold creeping down underneath my covers and suffocating me with its deadening arms. I shivered lightly, my bed wasn't as comfortable as my bed used to be at the dorms with the boys but I couldn't keep staying there.

It was time to come home and I was glad to take it with open arms. In fact, I had actually missed the comfort of my own home and familiar surroundings. I knew this place well and it was equally dear to my heart. But I couldn't help but miss them all, not caring about all the noise that they made. I'd hate to admit it but I had gotten used to having them all around me, I had gotten used to not being alone anymore and I wasn't completely sure if that was good or not.

I yawned and closed my eyes while hugging my pillow as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Tomorrow I see them again, tomorrow I see him again.