Inevitable {l.s.}

XIII

And I just think...

Maybe I'm not meant to be loved.

-L

It was the brutal, honest truth. Who could possibly care for him in a way that's unconditional and everlasting? Louis hadn't met a single guy that's given him that. Not once. His heart was hanging by a thread at this point, a frayed and fragile thread that was about to break.

He was tired of being let down continuously and getting attached easily, jaded of forgiving. Putting down his guard when he grows comfortable at the thought of letting someone get so close. The pain of losing someone that meant so much to you, that was your everything was bedevilling.

Louis' made a promise to himself to move on, to forget the wreckage back in Liverpool that he left behind days ago. To cut ties with it and never go back, maybe give Niall and Zayn a ring from time to time. Liam too. But Louis doubts they'd want to talk with him, he's been ignoring them since he left. Every call or text, Facebook message and direct message on Instagram. Telling his mother to relay the message he wasn't around if they ringed and that he's unwell if they kept pestering her with their worries. He'd even asked her not to tell Anne anything either. It's quite the dick move, but Louis needed a break. A long hiatus away from everything that had to with the past eight and a half years.

Maybe they hate Louis for dropping off the face of the earth unannounced, or they wondered what they did wrong. Worried sick about him and Louis been so surprised that none of them had come out to see if he's back in Doncaster all this time.

Even Harry, who's been trying every day to reach him. Sending a text asking where he went. Wanting to have a talk and that he missed him, saying it's quiet without him at home. Home. Doncaster was where his heart was now, Liverpool was just a thing of the past.

And he vowed never to go back.

The moment Louis posted that text post, he just sighed. Cheek rested against his fist, elbow propped on his desk, and refreshing his notifications. Hoping someone would reach out to him, reply, send an ask, or even a message. Anything. His followers were his mates now, well his mutuals that was. Yes, he did miss his friends, he'd love to chat with Zayn about Liam quitting one of his jobs to spend more time together. Or the fact Niall and Donovan had hooked up that night at the pub. Louis had seen the texts and wanted to be happy for them, but he couldn't find it in himself to reply. Terrified the conversation would lead into why he's been ghost and sharing the wonderful news Harry was back with Ellie.

All he wanted was to not remember seeing them together on a date while all the courage he had drained out of his body to admit things to Harry. They all probably knew that Harry was back with his ex-girlfriend again and was talking with her weeks ago. Not that it'd be a surprise. After all, it's what Harry loved to do, push Louis into the dark until the very last moment.

It's confusing and infuriating that he'd experience this. It was almost as if Harry was afraid to tell him, not wanting to burn any bridges because he rather be with someone else. Not wanting to break him because Louis tends to take things to heart, Bad news was, the way things Harry ended things years ago wasn't being let down easy. Nor was the moment he found out through Niall some big news wasn't either. Harry should've known better though, after the whole walking in on Sean with another man should've been a considered thought.

Louis loved the boy to death, but it just isn't worth it anymore.

He refreshed the screen again, the corners of lips slowly sliding upward when he saw he had a few asks.

Don't say that babe, what's the matter?, and need to talk? Louis responded to each of them, taking his time explaining the delicate situation. Revealing to them he just can't win no matter what and is over it. Done. Adding in that he's better off alone than risking his heart with another man. Of course, he'd gotten a few responses to not rule everything out, someone's out there for him, even one of them suggested that Sean seemed redeeming enough to give another chance. As if that made the situation any better.