Internship with Pentagon

Thoughts Part 1

When I gained consciousness, my nose was flooded with the familiar smell of iodoform and antiseptics while my ears were bombarded with the obnoxious beeping of monitors. I wish I could fall back into unconsciousness because I know exactly where I am, a hospital.

My eyes flutter open as they adjust to the overhead light shining down on me. As  I regain the ability to move my own body, I start pulling off wires and I take out the IV that was in me causing the machines to panic. They were beeping louder and faster alerting everyone of my death. Upon hearing this, a nurse ran into my room finding me perfectly alive and trying to stand up. She was trying to tell me to lay back down, but all I want is to get out of there. I don't particularly like being in hospitals.

"Why are you so stubborn?" A familiar deep voice says from behind me by the door. A mixture of amusement and concern was laced within it. "Can't you just do as you're told for once?"

Yuto.

My head snaps in his direction as the memory of yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks. Just as quick as it had snapped in his direction, it fell back down as I averted his gaze. Embarrassment started burning through me.

"Just get me out of here." is all I manage to say.

"Okay. Go change while I check you out. Then we can leave."

After I finish changing, I find Yuto in my room waiting for me. 

"Where is everyone else?" I ask without looking at him. I make myself busy with gathering my things, but I pause for a brief moment at the coldness in my voice that I didn't expect.

"They were here all night and hardly got any sleep, so I sent them home." His voice was soft as he spoke as if he was begging for forgiveness in his own way.

"Why didn't you go with them?" My tone wasn't as harsh as it was, but it was denying his forgiveness.

"I didn't want to leave you." He confessed bluntly.

I scoff at this ready to spit the fire that was burning inside of me at him... until I saw his face.

His eyes glistened as tears threatened to fall from his dark, beautiful eyes. His face was shaped in pain. Not enough to let everyone in the world know what he is thinking, but enough for those who know him to tell he is hurt. My heart breaks at the sight, but I can't easily let go and forget all of his harsh words and rude actions.

Knowing I would cave if I continued to look at him, I quickly walked past him and gave a curt "Let's go" as I passed. He walked behind me all the way until we exit the hospital where he had to take the lead so we could find his car.

As we pull out of the parking lot, I become lost within my own thoughts. I start to think about WooSeok and the first time he drove me home. How he gave me his number and put himself in my phone as WooSeokie. The other boys got jealous that I didn't give them nicknames. I remember JinHo checking on me after my fight with Yuto. He held me for two hours as I did nothing but cry. He even found my inhaler when I started hyperventilating. He is always concerned about me and my well being. I remember the countless times Hui gave me advice even when I didn't ask. He has a knack for knowing when I need to be comforted and when I need to be told what to do. I remember the movie nights that I shared with Kino, HongSeok, and ShinWon. We cried and laughed and fought over popcorn. One time, we had spilled the popcorn all over the living room and got scolded by JinHo. After he had left we busted out laughing. I remember Yanan always making me sit by him, and how he asks my opinion for everything. He told me one time he would love to have a sister like me, and that night we made a pact to protect and care for each other like brother and sister. I remember Yeo One using me as a human shield when he was running from Kino because he had eaten Kino's cake. When Kino came after us he had grabbed my arm and pulled me to safety in his room.

As I recall the events of the past few weeks I came to a realization; I may have only known these boys for a short while, but they already have my heart.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the vehicle shutting off. When I realize where we are, I shoot Yuto a confused look.

"Why are we here?"

Instead of answering me, he climbs out of the car and makes his way to my door. When he opens it expecting me to get out, I sit there and cross my arms, annoyed that he won't tell me why we're here. He chuckles a bit, finding my behavior amusing before he answers me.

"We're here to eat. You passed out because of fatigue and hunger, so we are going to go inside, sit down, and enjoy a nice meal. Okay?" Before I have a chance to answer he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the car and into the restaurant.

~

It doesn't take long for our food to come out after we put in the order, but since we sat down we haven't talked and the awkward silence is killing me. I'm too scared to start the conversation on myself, so I just sit there enduring it.

"How are you feeling?" Yuto asks me breaking the awkward silence. While I'm glad he is trying to start a conversation and I would love nothing more than to talk to him, the only thing I find myself saying is "Fine."

He knows I'm still pissed and I want him too, but I also want him to know that I just want him to apologize for everything. I can't tell him that though because then he would only apologize because I asked him too. That is if he would even care, and I truthfully don't know which one would be worse.

"You were hardly eating and sleeping. Why?" His tone became more serious which just pissed me off that much more. The nerve he has. He has no right to ask me that question.

"I was busy and didn't have an appetite. It happens." If he is trying to make amends with me he is doing a poor job at it.

"Damn it, Clair!" He bursts as he hits the table with his fist. This caused other patrons to look at us in question. I bowed my head in a quiet apology to all of them. Yuto took a deep breath and calmed down a bit. "Was it because of me?" He asks as his eyes burn a hole through me.

I choke at his words. How dare he? As if he doesn't know. As if JinHo hadn't made it known, but no. He is going to play coy instead. 

"Why does it matter? It isn't like you care anyways!" I yell at him. This caused the other patrons to once again look in our direction.  I internally smacked myself for my embarrassing public outburst. "Let's just go."

While Yuto went to pay I walked out of the restaurant and climb into the car, slamming the door closed. Moments later Yuto comes out and takes his place in the driver's seat. After he buckles up and gets comfortable he paused for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Clair." His voice echoed with sincerity,  "I honestly don't know why I said that."

I starred out the window as a tear slipped down my cheek. I couldn't answer him because then he would be able to tell I was crying.

He started the car and drove out of the parking lot, but instead of turning left towards our dorms, he turns right. I wanted to ask him where we were going, but I was scared my voice would crack in the midst of talking. So, instead, I just watched as various objects passed by my window. We finally stopped after reaching a park. Yuto gets out of the car without a word and just like at the restaurant, he opens my door, but this time he doesn't wait for me to speak or to even get out of the car on my own. Instead, he once again grabs my hand and pulls me behind him towards a bench in the middle of the park.

He sat down and looked at me as if he expected me to do the same, but when I just stared at him he huffed and pulled me down next to him. He looks at me waiting for me to start talking.

"What do you want?" I asked him, slightly irritated.

"We need to talk. I don't like the way things have been between us and I want to fix it."