Internship with Pentagon

Letters

Dear Yuto,

I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you this in person. I'm too much of a coward, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So, I am writing this letter to let you know how I feel. At first, you were just my bias from Pentagon. You were simply a distant dream of mine, and it was the same way when I met you. You were an idol, somebody I was working for, and I forced myself not to get my hopes up. But then I got to know you and we even hung out, and all of that went down the drain. For a while, I couldn't tell how you felt about me and that scared me, but then I started to pick up on your feelings. WooSeok and JinHo also helped with that as well, but I was still scared. I was only meant to be in Korea for a few weeks, and I don't know what the future holds. I have to go back to the states to finish school, and you have to stay here in Korea and continue fulfilling your dream. Life just sucks that way sometimes. I'm sorry if this letter hurts you. I know I should have said all this in person, but if I did, I would never have been able to leave. So, here goes nothing. Yes, Yuto, my mother was right. I do have feelings for you.

Yours Truly,

Clair

~

The next few days went by in a blur. I had a meeting with Mr. Lee about everything that has happened in the past two months. He told me he was impressed with my work, and that I am always welcome to come back to Cube entertainment. He said he understands that I want to finish school, but should I choose to come back to Korea after school, a job will always be waiting for me. I politely thanked him and I told him I would keep that in mind.

The boys have been as clingy as ever, and so have my parents. Yanan even pulled me aside one day and asked me to stay in Korea. He knew I was going to say no, and he understood why, but he said he had to try. I smiled at him, touched by him asking even though he knew it was a long shot. I assured him I would come to visit when I could.

I finish packing most of my things when I heard somebody knocking on the door. I zip up my suitcase and head to the door to see who is here. When I open the door, I find a cute JinHo giving me the biggest smile.

"Hey, Clair!"

"Hey, JinHo. What's up? Why are you here?"

"Do you seriously think we would let you spend your last day in Korea alone? Heck no! You should know us better than that." He exclaimed.

"Okay, okay. Let me get my things."

The ride over to the house was filled with smiles and laughter, but when we arrived at the dorm, the atmosphere shifted. As JinHo puts the car in park he takes a deep breath and lets out a long sigh.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?" He doesn't look at me as he asks me this.

"I depart at 8:00 am."

"Have you told him, yet?" As he asks this question he looks at me, trying to read me. I thought about playing dumb for a second, but I know that won't get me anywhere.

"No."

"He has a right to know." His tone is strick, but soft.

"I know."

"He's pretty torn up about what you told him yesterday." I look at him, surprised that he knew about our conversation. "He told me about it."

"I promise, he will know how I feel," I say sincerely. JinHo has suspicion plastered on his face but chooses to leave the subject alone. He reaches towards me and wipes a tear that I failed to realize fell.

"Cheer up, okay? Everything will be okay in the end. We have all prepared a going away party for you, and you don't want to show up to your own party sad." He says as he gives me a small smile.

The going away party was amazing. We all laughed and drank, and talk. It was honestly one of the best nights of my life. Even Yuto seemed to be enjoying himself which made me really happy. We all gathered around the tv with popcorn and blankets and watched one last horror movie together. Watching Yuto jump constantly as he would get scared is honestly the highlight of my life. He looks so adorable clinging to a pillow as if it will offer him any protection.

Part way through the movie, as everyone is so engrossed in what is happening on screen, I politely excuse myself to use the restroom.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Hui asks, "I mean, I wouldn't want you to be scared or anything." The other boys throw pillows at him and he falls over.

"Thanks, but I think I'm good." I chuckle as I walk away.

To tell the truth, I have no intentions of going to the bathroom. Instead, I head to Yuto's room. I take a second to look around. His bed is messy, but not horrible. He has books stacked on his nightstand, and his laptop is open on his desk. He has a few pictures of some idols scattered on his walls. I recall when he told me that whenever he was down, he would look to them for inspiration.

I take a deep breath and hold back the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes. I take the letter I wrote to him and place it under his laptop. It is encased in a plain white envelope that simply says 'Yuto'. I leave just enough sticking out so it is noticeable without being obvious. Then, I head back to the living room and finish the movie with everybody else. When all is said and done, I say my goodbyes. Everyone gives me a hug and tells me how much they will miss me. Hui, JinHo, and WooSeok start to cry and I can see the tears forming in everybody else's eyes. I tell them that I am going to leave before they make me cry too which made everyone laugh.

The ride to my place and quiet. The car was filled with the unsaid things between us, causing the air around me to feel thick. When we arrive at my place, he puts the car in park and turns to me.

"Clair-"

"Thanks for the ride Yuto. I really appreciate it. I have had so much fun with you and everyone else. I will miss you." I quickly say, cutting him off. "Goodbye"

I climb out of the car before he has a chance to say anything else and rush to my dorm. As soon as I close the door, all of the tears that I have been fighting spill out.