I Want To Change The world

14

I don't want to tell anyone about anything. I dont want anyone to look at me differently, I just want to continue being my annoying self that not many pay attention too.

Now the one person I'm scared the most to tell is Itachi, and I really just don't know if I should. I don't think I am. It's just he doesn't need to know it's not like we're dating. We just kissed and held hands. Friends.

I wonder if my hair is going to fall out, probably when I start the chemo. I'm scared I mean to be honest I don't even see the point. I'm going to die no matter what. Why spend so much money just to die. This is my parents savings and everything I don't want to take that all.

My mom hasn't talked to anyone in a couple of days I wasn't at school yesterday I wonder if Itachi missed me or thought about me.

I walked around the halls at school no where to go my dad said he would drop my off at school with Naruto. School doesn't start for another 15 minutes. The busses should be here soon actually I'm actually not supposed to be walking around the school before classes start but I don't really care, at all.

I walked back down the hall and turned down the stairs, I walked to my locker and grabbed my sketchbook. I've never wanted to not draw more than right now.

I feel like all my dreams are over with so why bother working so hard. Even if I were going to make it into a museum I probably wouldn't be alive to see it. Just another reason to give up now.

I really wanted to change the world, I wanted to see people look at my art and feel inspired. Can someone else have that dream? How many others, how many others are going to succeed? Well without me its just less competition I guess, I was looking forward to college and meeting new people and learning new techniques. I was looking forward to growing, that dream has been put to a stop.

I flipped through my school sketchbook, wet drops hitting some pages I vigoursily wiped away the tears but more and more just kept falling. I just kept flipping pages, page after page tears marking each one. I dated each drawing I remember drawing some of these, I remember my stupid ideas and stupid projects. I slammed the book shut and threw it in my locker I watched the book fall landing on some pages, I slammed the locker door shut and stared at it.

"Deidara" I waved my hand dismissing who ever just called my name, I am in no mood to talk.

"Deidara" I moved my head and looked at Itachi, he was standing in front of me looking at me weird. "Whats wrong" he moved his hand towards my face but I moved back.

I shook my head, what is wrong? "Want to go somewhere after school?" I looked at him, my tears slowly stopping I wiped my face and stared at his gorgeous black eyes, I really like his eyes, I want to draw his eyes. Maybe Itachi can be my muse.

"Deidara, whats the matter" he put both hands on my arms and leaned down to stare at me face to face. I shook my head and moved away. "Nothing lets hang out" he cautiously nodded his head and turned around. I let out a sigh and walked off to class, I don't even know if I have gym today, I think I do.

I talked to Tobi in first period it was brief but we do in fact have gym today. When we were talking he opened the front of his backpack to get a book and, trust me it was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. A shit ton of mint life savers fell out of his bag, I'm not talking like a small pack, no this was like 5 whole bags of mints all in wrappers just sitting in his bag. He just shook his head and started picking them up, "My mints!" he yelled as he continued, he gave out some but it was just. Why? Ya know, why?

I took one. Obviously I mean what does he need over 100 mints for?

I walked to gym class I was later than usual but I just don't want to deal with anyone today. Tobi made me smile with his mints but that was it, I've never felt more dead. I just don't know how to proccess all of this.

The coach gave me a dirty look and told me to quickly get changed I nodded my head and made my way to the locker room. I wonder what I look like from someone else's perscpective.