I Want To Change The world

17

The next day at school I started the mural and I doubt anyone will understand the underlying message. I have to do something that represents the school, but there are secret messages all over this painting.

This painting on the wall that will stay forever maybe someone who feels the same way I do will look at it and see the small crying child hidden behind the sports balls and team numbers. Maybe when I'm gone and the school is still here, still the same, someone will look at this and see the hate I put in it. The hate I have for this school, the place I suffered, the place that slowly tried to change me and slowly ruined me.

It's been three weeks since I've started chemo the oncologist Mr. Senju is very nice and asks me all the time how I'm doing, he listens to me when I talk about my art and his brother.

I can feel my body slowly becoming weaker and weaker, I feel like it's betraying me in so many ways. I feel like I've betrayed my body as well, I'm just living now or at least trying. Surviving I guess.

It's a process but even I know this treatment can save and also kill me. I don't want it, the bills are already starting to pile up my mom is looking for a job and my dad is staying later and later each day.

Itachi and I have gotten so much closer, I've never felt the way I do when I'm with him. I love when he touches me I love when he smiles and I love when he talks. His voice is silky and perfect it fits him so well. I don't shake the rotten feeling I feel when I remember what I'm doing to him.

The more time we spend together the closer we get and the harder this is going to be when it ends. I really shouldn't even be doing this, but don't I get to be happy?

I told Itachi I couldn't hang out with him after school today because I'm hanging out with my little brother. I want us to spend as much time together as we can, I need that.

After school I walked down to the middle school wing and smiled when I saw him waiting looking around anxiously. Naruto treats me the same as if I don't even have cancer as if he just took that memory and threw it out the window.

We walked outside and down the road, I brought him to a ice cream shop and we ordered something to eat on our way to the park.

"How was school?" I asked him, he licked his ice cream cone and smiled.

"It was good! Kiba did something really funny today he tripped over some kids bag in class and fell onto Shikamaru. It was so funny" He laughed, I tried laughing with him but I couldn't. I don't understand that wasn't funny at all.

"You had to be there" he finished. Oh, it was one of those had to be there moments.

"Kiba? How is he doing and your other friend Shikamaru"

Naruto looked at the park as we approached "They're good! Shikamaru is so smart he helps me with all my homework. There is this one kid though" Naruto's face turned red. Gasp a crush?

"Who" I eagerly asked. Naruto looked at me then at the ground.

"He's just a jerk, but I like him. Is that weird? He never smiles I want to make him smile." Okay, so is he like mean? He's a guy so is this like a friendship thing or does he have a crush on him.

"Whats his name?"

"I want to hold his hand" Naruto blurted out, I smiled at him his face red as a firetruck.

"You want to hold his hand?" I asked I don't know what to say.

"Is that weird? I just want to hug him or something. But all the girls like him." Naruto grumbled kicking some wood chips. I laughed.

"You have a crush!" I cheered, Naruto snapped his head towards me and glared.

"No!" he yelled back. "Stop laughing!"

I did I contained myself, this is too cute. "Whats his name?" I asked again.

Naruto frowned "Sasuke" I nodded my head and ruffled his hair.

"Sounds like you should try and befriend him"

Naruto nodded his head and smiled "I will" he cheered and ran off to the swings I followed.

After the park we walked back home and ate dinner my mom had my five million pills lined up next to my plate. I glared at the pills, I hate them.

"Oh! I got you something Deidara!" Naruto ran off to the other room and came back with something in his hand.

"Here" I held out my hand he dropped 3 Hershey kisses in my hands and smiled. "You always frown when you take your pills so I got you something to make you smile!"

I smiled at him and hugged him, he pushed me away saying something about not wanting to hug anyone but Sasuke. I laughed, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

Why is life so unfair.

I took my pills and smiled as I put the chocolate in my mouth, Naruto looked at me a proud grin growing on his face.