Hello Neighbor ✔

Chapter 17

"You were unsure which pain is worse— the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will."

During the cold winter nights, when the sky would would turn into an ombre of blue and lilac, we would watch the city lights shine bright in place of the stars.

It was cozy, comfortable. A large blanket wrapped around three young heads as we gazed at the beauty above us. Our moms would try to call us back inside but we'd end up ignoring them as we continued watching in silence.

"Someday we're going to be in that sky, among the stars, and we'll be looking down instead of looking up like now." You said as the rest of us looked at you confused.

"Yeah but that's going to be a long, long time from now 형 [Hyung/Older brother]. Why think about that now?" The boy next to me replied back. You chuckled, giving him a pat on the head.

"I know. It's just I don't know. I wonder how peaceful it would feel to be up there." You softly said back almost as a whisper.

"Wouldn't it be lonely to be up there by yourself?"

"Who said I'd be alone? I'm going to be with all the angels up there. Besides no matter what happens we'll always be together in the end." You gave us both a large smile. Your smile is what I missed the most about you.

The way your entire face lifts and brightens up, perfect rows of pearly teeth showing off, and your eyes squint too as they smile along. Everything about it screamed happiness and pure joy that I couldn't see anything else hiding underneath that facade.

"Sigh no matter what I do, I don't think I'd ever get rid of you." He said right before he brought the small boy in a headlock, messing up his hair as the latter yelled for help. I simply sat next to the whole fiasco, laughing myself away at their shenanigans.

I looked at the two brothers and always wondered what it would feel like to have a sibling of my own. How annoying they would be, but they always seem to have your back when the worse seems to come.

I didn't realize that soon enough, that being an only child is another thing that we were going to have in common.

Middle school then came around and I absolutely despised it. All these irritating kids trying to befriend you so they can get the answers to the algebra homework.

Our school was a middle school and a high school combined so we would see you among the seniors. You were a big help honestly throughout the school years. Not only were you smart, but you were so artistic and the way you would draw funny pictures about all three of us encapsulated our bond so well.

You were more than a neighbor, you were more than a senior, you were more than a friend. You were my older brother. I looked up to you, both figuratively and literally.

You were our rock, our stability. On our worst days and nights, you were always there with an inspiring speech. You were more sappier than the guy from Full House— if that was even possible. But nonetheless, you were the best.

After high school, you decided to go into the family business. I was confused cause you always told me that you wanted to major in art and cinematography. You told me that this was more important and that those were nothing but empty dreams. I frowned when you said that. You were the biggest advocate for chasing something you love and not letting society change that but now you wanted to do what was 'right'.

I trusted and took your word for it that you were happy either way for being there for your family when they needed it the most. You didn't want to disappoint or let your father down more than he already was.

The day before I left, I remembered it so clearly. You all came to wish me off well. After my parents, aunt and uncle, and cousin gave me the typical family advice and their loving hugs, you and your brother came to give me my last farewell until we were to meet again.

After him, you gave me my last hug and right as I was about to enter the gate, you turned me around to give me a small present. It was a small, slightly old looking jewelry box. I was scared to open it but you insisted. It was a small, gold bracelet. You said this was the bracelet you got for your mom for Mother's day but sadly she didn't make it to see it. I immediately wanted to take it off and give it back but you didn't let me. You said there were no other women to give it to and you wanted to keep it in the family.

I was touched and I never took it off since then and I kept it around my wrist as I waved all of you my goodbyes before going into the plane with my suitcase in my other hand.

Sadly, I didn't get to visit or call enough after that as worked seemed to pile up one after the other. I would try to send a text when I would get the chance but neither ends couldn't hold up a good conversation after awhile. Longest ones we would have soon afterwards would last only five minutes.

Eventually I got buried under work, and you too wouldn't text anymore. I wondered after awhile what had happened to you until I heard the unwelcomed news.

I was the last to know.

Your brother called me that day. After weeks of not hearing him, I finally heard his voice but it wasn't the one I was expecting. It wasn't cheerful. It was pain. He cried. He was crying, something I've only experienced and heard before one other time before. Turns out he wasn't the only one affected by your mother's death. You both were, but you tried to stay strong for him, for all of us.

Little did we all know that you broke down and fell apart yourself. Had we've known, we would've been there for you too. It was frustrating. Why couldn't you have told us that you were sad too? Instead you held on tightly to that pain, the shards pierced through you skin as the blood dripped off your palms. You let it torment you for years and only then did you have the courage to relieve it.

It wasn't the way any of us would have wanted you to do it. I hope you're happy and at peace now among the rest of stars and angels in the sky. Your brother still cries, your father still feels guilty, and we're all sorry we couldn't do more for you.

I'm sorry. Really, really sorry for not being there too. Mentally, physically, and everything in between.

I'm sorry, I missed your funeral.

I only come here now to ask you something, if that's okay with you.

I soon sat on the ground as I looked up at the picture of a familiar face.

Here lies the body of Jeon Junghyun.
Loving son, brother, and friend to all that knew him.
May he forever rest in peace.