The Quiet Kid's Diary

Another Day, Forgot The Date

 (Sigh) Do you ever wake up in the morning and just feel....empty? Like your life has no meaning? That's my everyday life.

 I'm never truly okay, I just pretend to be. I put on my mask, make sure none of the real me can be seen and head out the door. 

 I've never been a social person. Like, EVER. I can't remember the last time I have. I just smile and wave at those who say 'Hi' to me and move on with my pretend life, just waiting to go back home so I can sink back into my warm and cuddly shell.

 I always want to be home alone and I immensely enjoy whenever I am. But, unfortunately, most of the time I'm not and I'm forced to spend the day with people who don't care enough to get to know me.

 But it's okay. I'm used to being ignored.

 I never speak about my feelings. Why bother when no one will listen? That's like talking to a deaf person. They can't hear you.

 The same goes for the people at my school. Everyone there ignores me too. But, it's like I said before, I'm fine with it. I'm used to people forgetting about my existence, my feelings, my everything. I don't care.

 I've gone numb to the pain. 

 A knife to the back? Used to. The heart? Painless. Arms? I'm ADDICTED to it.

 I'd rather feel my pain than nothing at all...so that's exactly what I do...everyday. 

 Reliving the pain in my head, day in, day out, crying myself to sleep, wake up in the middle of the night listening to the voices scream at me in my head, and hoping beyond hope that, in the morning, I won't wake up.

 That'd I remain asleep. Forever. Not having to worry about a single thing EVER again.

 (sigh)Wouldn't that be great....but, unfortunately, I'm not dead.