The Quiet Kid's Diary

Breaking Point

Y'all ever just....I don't know...give up on certain things just because you get frustrated? Or you just blow up over the tiniest little things? I know I do.

I'll just lose it and I get pissed the fuck off. It could be something like me dropping a pencil or something and I'll go OFF. For no reason. I just reach my breaking point and I need to take a step back to cool off.

But possibly the worst thing about it though is that I can't talk about it to ANYONE. Why, you may ask? Because it's like they REFUSE to even TRY to understand what I'm saying. ESPECIALLY my parents.

I've given UP on trying to talk to them about these sort of problems because they just focus on themselves and not ME. Like, 'Oh, so YOU think YOU have it bad?? What about ME?' And it doesn't stop there.

They're not the only ones that're like that. Basically EVERYONE that I know is like that. I can't talk to NOBODY. It's like I'm not allowed to FEEL FEELINGS and that I'm supposed to be HAPPY about that. Does that make ANY sense? Not to me it doesn't.

I'm supposed to just set ALL of MY feelings aside and tend to EVERYBODY else's first. And, sadly, I've been living my entire LIFE like that for 19 YEARS now.

I KNOW that some people are pieces of SHIT that don't at ALL deserve my kindness, but that's basically how I was RAISED. I was raised to believe that I should put others before myself at ALL costs and that I shouldn't even think twice beforehand.

If someone were to slap me, I was supposed to turn the other cheek and take it without saying a single word....but here's the thing: I don't.

I have enough sense in my mind to know that I shouldn't do that. But I shouldn't exactly kick the other person's ass for doing so because, I'll admit it, I'm not the strongest person.

I should stand up for myself and that I have to solve the problem without any violence. Or get into possibly even MORE trouble than I already was.

But I'm not allowed to express myself in the least because I get criticized for doing so.

So I sit here in silence....with my overwhelming thoughts.....