Words Can't Cover Me

Fuck

Struggling To Breathe.
Laughing Hysterically.
Those Are The Times I'm In The Most Pain.
But Can't Say Anything Because No One Would Even Care.
Manic Episodes.
That's What They Are.
It's Part Of Bipolar Disorder.
I Wonder How I Even Made It This Far.
Would You Say A Thing If I Never Showed?
Probably Not.
You'd Carry On And Live Your Lives In Peace.
There May Be A Brief Second Where You Think Something Is Missing.
But You'll Soon Realize That You Just Forgot Your Keys.
And It Wasn't Me.
I Wonder If They'll Take A Moment Of Silence In My Honor.
I Doubt There'd Be Enough Kids To Recognize The Name On The News.
I'd Get Skimmed Over.
Like So Many Others Do.
Would My Friends Even Reminisce About The Stupid Shit I Did?
Or The Sorrowful Moments We Shared Together?
That's It.
I'm Deleting My Existence.
If Only...
I've Been Having These Visions Lately.
So Vivid That I Tricked Myself Into Following Along With Them.
That's How The Blade Ended Up In My Hand.
God Damn It.
I'm Sitting Here Laughing And Smiling.
But Inside I Feel Everything That Has Ever Been Wrong With Me At Once.
I Love Writing To No One And Yet Everyone All At The Same Time.
I Love Sitting Here Drafting Suicide Notes That I Can't Even Come Up With Three Sentences For.
I Love How Most Of These Are Attempts Of Saying My Farewells.
But I Never Follow Through Anymore.
It's Not Fun.
Alone.
With These Thoughts In Your Head.
It Hurts.
It Makes You Feel Weak.
Because No One's Ever There For You When You Need Them To Be.
And I'm Tired Of Hearing The Help Yourself Bullshit.
Obviously I Can't.
That's How I Fucking Got Here In The First Fucking Place.
I Hate Hearing It.
So Much More Than They Realize.
It's Just A Reminder That I Can't Help Anyone.
Not Even Myself.
And It Gives Me Flashbacks Of Every Attempt To Make Something Better Of Myself.
That Always Sends Me Spiraling Into This Gaping Pit Of Suicide, Depression, Mood Swings, Cold Warmth, And Everything Under The Fucking Sun That Kills Me Inside.
But We Sit There And We Smile.
And Everyone Just Pretends That Everything Is Fucking Fine.
When It's Not.
It Never Has Been.
That's The Fucking Truth In The Matter.
We're All Fucked Up And No One Says Shit About It.
I'm Tired Of Getting Blamed Just Because I Couldn't Figure Out How To Put My Fucking Mask Back On.
There.
I Figured It Out.
Are You Guys Happy Now?
I'm Fine.
We're All Fucking Fine And That's Just How Things Will Always Be From Now On.
Fuck.
I Fucking Hate Myself.
I Should Just Get This Shit Over With.
Bye.
For Now I Guess.