Words Can't Cover Me

I Don't Care

I hate myself.
I hate that I have no reaction anymore.
I hate that I feel like I'm being selfish for not wanting to be with the girl that everyone else wants so badly to be with, that they all like so much.
Why can't I be the person that just loves her, without question.
Why can't I be the one that everyone admires for being with someone as great as her.
Well I don't know.
I had her.
She was in love with me.
Or at least that's what she says.
But I was far from happy.
I was faking it.
I tried so hard to love her in that way, the way so many others do.
However.
I didn't.
I couldn't force myself to.
So I broke up with her.
I hurt her like I didn't want to.
Because of my own selfishness.
I am selfish.
Who doesn't love her in that way.
I mean why don't I even care.
Why have I become this person that just hates everything.
Including myself.
I hate myself.
I've done things to myself.
I've tried so hard to avoid that shit.
I've tried so hard to avoid myself.
My own feelings.
Emotions and what not.
I don't care.
That's it.
That's exactly it.
I'm done.
I've been done for so long.
That was just the tipping of the ice berg.
I knew I wasn't ready.
A year ago.
That's when I broke myself.
Almost killed myself.
Fell in love and had my heart broken.
And now guess what.
I've taken an interest in someone else.
Too much of an interest for comfort.
I was out sick today.
I used my new found illness to get out of facing people.
Because I didn't feel like faking it today.
I didn't feel like, well feeling.
I'm done now.
Thanks.
I guess