Words Can't Cover Me

Body Hatred

Standing here in the mirror crying.
I hate the way my body looks.
I hate how big it is.
I hate my face.
I hate my stomach.
The stretch marks that overlap every surface.
I hate this.
I want to chop off all the cellulite and never have to look at it again.
No wonder I fucking hate myself.
No wonder no one can bare to look at me.
Or love me.
It's my fault.
I feel no pity for myself.
I just wish I could lose it.
I've never understood.
I'm a good person.
Nice, caring, considerate, understanding.
Why do I have to hate myself so terribly?
The time I lost the most weight was when I stopped eating.
I'm so close to doing it again.
I hate this.
I want to be an advocate for loving yourself just the way you are, but I hate myself too much to take my own advice.
I believe everyone is beautiful.
Just not myself.
I hate myself.
I should just...
No.
I have to stop.
I'm going to start working out and taking better care of myself instead of going on a fucking rampage.
I only ever needed help to do this type of stuff.
Just no one ever did.
So it's all up to me.
I have to be more independent if I want to get better.