Words Can't Cover Me

Addiction

It becomes difficult after a while.
Ignoring your urges.
Especially when what they are is classified as an addiction.
Whoever is reading this probably had multiple things pop into their head as what this could be.
Even if you knew me personally, you probably wouldn't know how much I struggle with fighting that.
I have to stop myself from enacting on it when I go into autopilot.
There have been multiple times when I've snapped out of it right when I realize what I'm about to do.
There are times when I don't stop myself.
When I get so far lost in the pain that the endorphins it releases make me feel more at ease.
I haven't stopped thinking about it for awhile now.
The past week or so I've been randomly zoning out envisioning the act in itself.
It becomes nerve racking when you're constantly battling the brain.
Especially when it's your own.
I guess if I told you what I was talking about you would think it was silly.
Ridiculous and completely irrational.
But that just means you haven't been in that position and you're lucky for that.
I will always be curious of how you've lasted without doing the same thing.
But I'll always be curious.
I'm going to sit here and cry because maybe then the visions will go away.
Possibly get worse.
Or I'll enact on it in an attempt to make it stop.
That never works but it always seems to be my option I'm in the end.