Always

Chapter 8: It Should Have Been Me

Minerva stayed with Beth as she laid in the bed and Miss Pomfrey took great care of her. Snape was unable to see her in this state, and it was very late. If she died, the rest of his beating heart would go with her. He would not want to live another life of heartbreak. He leaned against the wall letting his heartbreak even more. He could not seem to get a break in life. Once something good happened in his life, it was taken so quickly away from him. Minerva heard his pain and felt it too. She held her hand and softly whispered "We need you back with us Elizabeth.....but more importantly, he does too. I do not know what will happen if you fade away from his life. I know that he needs your positivity, and your smile to brighten his day. If you leave this earth my dear.....I fear that Severus Snape will too." She sighed as she kissed her hand and kept holding it as Miss Pomfrey looked to the Headmistress with a slow glance.

"It is very hard to tell whether she will live or not. I believe she has to fight to survive, as I can not do much to save her at this point." She whispered as Minerva looked at Beth worried. "Someone should at least stay with her through the night!" She said as the nurse softly nodded to her. "And she shall have someone." She said as she walked out the door and she saw Severus running through his hair upset. He then saw her and he growled at her.

"What do you want? Can you not see I need to be alone?" He asked her as he was staring down at her. She shook her head. "No Severus....it is the exact opposite. You do not wish to be alone, and that is the fear you have. You found love inside of your heart, and your heart has been broken for some time. Elizabeth changed that didn't she? She needs you more than ever. You know this. You could not save Lily Potter from death, but can you not save Elizabeth Washington now?" She asked as he looked down and sighed. "She did something to me, something that I have not felt since Lily Potter. I never believed that she would make me this happy again. I almost have forgotten what this feeling is....and now it has been taken away yet again and again." He spoke. He sounded so different, more vulnerable than before. He then pushed her away from him and walked back into the hospital wing, his eyes low and his arms at his side.

He slowly walked over to her and took a breath. Minerva looked up at him sadly. "As the Headmistress, I need to check on the children and make sure no one was harmed. You must be the one here Severus." She said as he slowly got down to his knees, his robes spreading out like a gown would. Minerva took his hand, making him twitch before she placed it into the cold hand of Beth. "Hold her hand....and do not let go." She ordered as she stood up and left. Miss Pomfrey was walking around the area. Other than her being in the room, it was just Severus and Beth. Together.

He held her hand and squeezed it gently. He watched over the woman he grew to love, and he did not say anything for a while. He wanted to tell her his feelings, but he wanted to do that when she would awaken. He hoped he would get that chance. He sighed deeply as he kissed her hand and looked at her resting face. Her beautiful red hair. Her lovely pale skin. Everything about her was beautiful. He looked at her the entire time and he did not wish to leave her side. "I.....I will not leave you Elizabeth. I will be right here, holding your gentle hand whom I hope will be warm again soon." He said in a whisper as he held her hand and though his hands were always so cold, Beth's hand was even colder. Severus did not sleep at all, as he stayed in that hospital wing and he held her hand for 9 hours. He knew that he had classes to do tomorrow but he was not exactly in the right mindset to do so. He eventually around 5 am laid on the ground and held her hand as he fell asleep for about two and a half hours.

It was 8 am, and Severus was still asleep, holding Beth's hand. He was keen to keeping the promise that Minerva gave him, however it was also a promise to himself to stay with her until she woke up. He would not let her die, he could not afford her to die. Beth remained still, wearing her robes and her long red hair out and her heels on her small 7 sized feet. He heard footsteps approaching him and someone lightly kicked his side with the tip of a pointed shoe. He looked up annoyed as Miss Pomfrey looked down at him. "Severus. Wake yourself up. You have to eat something, anything. You also have classes and you know Beth would want you to do this." She spoke as Snape stood up slowly and he got very close to her face. He was still holding Beth's hand. "I am staying right here. With Miss Washington. Get Minerva for me, and I will speak with her instead of some low life nurse." He growled as she exhaled. "You are something else Severus Snape." She frowned as she walked away promptly. Thank god she left. Now he could be alone with her in peace.

He gently rubbed her hand with his thumb as he had been holding for almost 11 hours now. Her hand was still very cold and limp, so his hand was not getting sweaty. He sat on his knees and kissing her hand softly, and did something that he had not done since he was a little boy: prayed. He prayed to the Lord that he had surely sinned in the past. He sinned so badly that it ruined most of his relationships after the Battle of Hogwarts. He was a bad sinner, and now, with love filling his heart, he begged the Lord to set him free and to save Elizabeth Washington. He begged in mercy as he grew worried for himself. He feared that God was not going to forgive him for what he had done in the past. He feared it was too late.

Minerva walked in slowly and she saw him praying. "Am I interrupting something?" She asked softly as he looked up at her. He shook his head as she looked at his hand. "You know I did not mean that, in a serious way. More figuratively." She said with a gentle smirk. "She needs someone to hold her when she awakens." He said firmly as he added "I will be eating my meals in here with her, and tell the house of Slytherin that classes will be canceled today as I will be in here, making sure that no harm comes to her." She looked to him with a look of shock almost. "Severus..." She spoke up before he moved his right hand up at her to cut her off. "I did not watch over Lily Potter.....and she landed herself into the ground. I will not let this happen to Elizabeth. I cannot and I will not. Do I make myself clear......Headmistress?" He said firmly as she was speechless. She then bowed her head. "I will be sure to give you your breakfast then Severus...." She said as she walked away and to the Great Hall. Severus sat down on the ground and held her hand still with his left hand. He would not let her go. He would not let her go. He will NOT let her go. No matter the case.

He received his breakfast and he ate it quietly while he held her hand. The students of Slytherin were more than happy to not be having classes on a Monday morning, so the majority went back to sleep. As for the other three houses, they did not share the same fate, which resulted in a lot of groans and annoyance when Headmistress McGonagall told them the news. Everyone went to the Great Hall, with the exception of the Slytherins of course. The other professors talked a lot about Beth and wondered if she would pull through. Minerva believed that she would, but it would take a lot of strength to awaken after being stabbed in the stomach with dark energy. She continued to worry a little, but she knew that it was Severus that was the most worried out of all of them.

He wished he could feed her something. Anything. He knew that if she did wake up, she would be starving. He had never felt so committed to something in his life except for potions, but he knew he was not leaving her. Unless he had to use the bathroom. That would be the only time he would let go of her hand. He thought back to when they first went to Hogsmeade, he forced himself to go because he felt like he needed to watch her. He did not trust her. Now, he was willing and wanting to be near her and protect her because he wanted to. He cared too much to leave her now. He came back and he kissed her hand gently before he kneeled down again and he watched over her like an angel would have. He refused to believe that she was going to die. He had never been a positive person but he had learned a lot from Beth and seeing her stay so positive and happy when she was....alive. He sighed as he held her hand with his cold left one, and he looked into her closed eyes. He sighed as he kissed her hand again, a few times, as he watched her. "My dear.....it should have been me." He sighed as he nuzzled her hand that was still quite cold to the end of her soft fingertips. "It should have been me."